Big Progress

On Sunday I face another birthday. For many years now I have been looking at them with dread... another year older, noone to really celebrate with and no reason to think it is any different from any other day.  This year is different.  I was scheduled to have the day off and was thinking of how I would like to spend my day. I have not seen family since Dave's funeral (Feb) and have wanted to on many occasions but did not want to impose (since my older sis is spastic about covid) so I sat back and hoped for an invite ... but none did come.  My brother in law and brother have been here doing work at the house... but even he has steered clear since my return from CO because she has him worried I may bring something back.  

I saw Sheri (nephew'a wife) to get a new do (which did not fair too well , but is a change...something I needed) before I left. I am back now long enough with nothing wrong. I texted her the other day and asked if they had plans... I am going to go visit and told her maybe I would bring lunch.  She ( and the gang ) are all excited to see me and hear about my trip... plus I have small trinkets for everyone. I did not remind them it's my birthday... do not care if they remember or not. There was a time I would have been hurt that I was not remembered. 

I thought long and hard about this. When we were kids, there was not alot of money and we did not get expensive name brand sneaks, designer jeans or iphones... But my mom would always make a special dinner a homemade ( and decorated) birthday cake and a small gift  besides. That in itself was enough to make us feel loved and special.

When spending time on vacation and sharing things with my very dear friend, I would come to understand that I have always tried very hard to love others unconditionally... but never myself. So this year, I am taking the time and making the effort to do for myself all I would do for anyone else that I loved.  I have planned a special meal and am taking it to share with those I love but do not tell often enough. It will be a very happy memory for me this year. 

Love and hugs, Kim

PS This is a reminder for all of us who have put ourselves at the bottom of the list for too long (We deserve to be up there too. )