big move
the time is getting closer i only have 21 days left at work before i quit and 22 days before Wendy lands in pittsburgh i am slowly getting my stuff taken care of i cant wait until she gets here i have missed her so much and i know she misses me just as much thats not the problem .and getting ready to move isnt bothering me either i want that so much i cant wait to start my /our new life together .
the problem is Amanda my step daughter we had a big blow up about everything she doesnt think i should take my wife cindy ashes with me when i move she also told me she would never accept anyone being with me but her mother and she doesnt understand why i am moving to australia and why wendy wasnt moving over here it got pretty bad and she made it sound like she has done everything for me and i have only done a few things for her and i know thats BS its the other way around so i let her have it with everything that she hasnt been there or done for me .i think she is just trying to talk me out of leaving and /or make me feel bad about moving .thats the way she is and has always been with me if i do as she wishes its all good if i dont i am a a hole .
like i told Wendy soon time ago its our time not our kids its time for us to think and care about ourselves they have their partners and kids of their own and we and this needs all of us widows and widowers have lost everything we knew when our loved one died so its time for us to take care of ourself who else will it would be better if Manda was good about this and not the way i think she will be and make it harder then it has to be when to time comes for me to move .
manda doesnt understand i love Wendy with all my heart and i feel alive again when im with her .she also needs to understand that the empty life i have at the moment sucks i cant just keep sitting at home waiting for my once a week for two and half hour visit from her and the grandchildren it feels like im a bother to everyone and no one whats to come visit me or call me execept when they need something then im the most important person to them .
im going to live with Wendy here im loved and i feel important i think about Wendy all the time and i miss her every second of every day and i know she feels the same way so we are changing the way we live .
mandy can make it easy or make it hard its up to her
the problem is Amanda my step daughter we had a big blow up about everything she doesnt think i should take my wife cindy ashes with me when i move she also told me she would never accept anyone being with me but her mother and she doesnt understand why i am moving to australia and why wendy wasnt moving over here it got pretty bad and she made it sound like she has done everything for me and i have only done a few things for her and i know thats BS its the other way around so i let her have it with everything that she hasnt been there or done for me .i think she is just trying to talk me out of leaving and /or make me feel bad about moving .thats the way she is and has always been with me if i do as she wishes its all good if i dont i am a a hole .
like i told Wendy soon time ago its our time not our kids its time for us to think and care about ourselves they have their partners and kids of their own and we and this needs all of us widows and widowers have lost everything we knew when our loved one died so its time for us to take care of ourself who else will it would be better if Manda was good about this and not the way i think she will be and make it harder then it has to be when to time comes for me to move .
manda doesnt understand i love Wendy with all my heart and i feel alive again when im with her .she also needs to understand that the empty life i have at the moment sucks i cant just keep sitting at home waiting for my once a week for two and half hour visit from her and the grandchildren it feels like im a bother to everyone and no one whats to come visit me or call me execept when they need something then im the most important person to them .
im going to live with Wendy here im loved and i feel important i think about Wendy all the time and i miss her every second of every day and i know she feels the same way so we are changing the way we live .
mandy can make it easy or make it hard its up to her
Replies
Hi Scott,
Sorry you are having this difficulty. I agree with you that there comes a point when we have to let our kids live their own lives and make choices that are good for us. That said, maybe she is sad about losing you and it\'s bringing back the pain of losing her mother. Sometimes people display anger because they are afraid of showing what they are really feeling, which could be sadness and fear. I would keep trying to talk with her, even if it\'s hard for you right now because I know you are eager to start your new life. Perhaps if you express how much you loved her mom and how much you are going to miss her and your grandchildren it might open the door a little bit to her real feelings. After all, they all are important to you, right? You just happen to want the kind of happiness that only a partner can bring. I just moved recently and it seemed like everyone in my family had a different type of emotion for me to deal with, even though I had to move for work. But they all got freaked out about my leaving. No, it doesn\'t make it easy, but I tried to take the time to explain everything and how much they all mean to me. I think it helped. Good luck to you Scott. I wish you every happiness. Hugs, Amy
Seems more here then just your moving with the ashes. Amy may be right , that she feels she is losing both. If the ashes are the main problem maybe a suggestion of sharing or leaving a pendent for such things behind.. Might a small amount heal some feelings of hurt. I have always expressed never a substitute or replacement to my family. Basically, your life now and go.
Your comments \"waiting for visit from \" \", feeling like you are a bother BOY with my own children w/grandkids I understand that comment. Its because they are living their lives, doing what we w/ do & did do w/small kids & lives at that time. BUT you are a widower things have changed, their lives really did not (sad w/o mommy now but did not change like the widow/widower).
Its your time to go on, live happy, & just hope they come around & understand. I agree to keep communication going - no more fights - no matter what she says or how bad she acts. You love her & grandkids period, you will miss them, you will keep in touch. I wish you and Wendy the best.....Just wish Mandy the best leave it go.
Scott you are so right about feeling like a bother to the kids. I can go for days without hearing from them, but when they want something, boy are they here in a shot. Go and live your life, I am so happy that you have found happiness again. I wish you two only the best. Hugs Jane
i do understand what everyone is saying and everything does help but the main thing is finally its all about me and me being happy and me being happy is being with the woman i love and need to be withn ....we widows/widowers have been through enough and we all need the people around us to just stop they may think they are helping us but they are not its not about them yes they did loose a loved one in their lives but we lost our soul mate our best friend our lover our life our husband or wife no one but us know about the emptiness the lonelyness its very hard sometimes but we have made it this far with a lot of help from some very good people on this site i am glad to have everyone on this site but i am very sorry i know any of you thanks for your advice everything will work out in time and i like to think that mandy will come around and yes i will do my best to keep up my contact with her and her children .......scott