Bier roots and apology and forgiveness.

Ah... trust vs. vulnerability.  let me add another dynamic justice vs. humility.  When one's sense of right is violated, that person will experience anger.  He or she will feel wronged and resentful at the person who violated their trust. The wrongful act will stand as a varrier between the two people and the relationship is fractured. The cannot, even if they desired, live as thogh the wrong had not been committed. Something inside the offended calls for justice. It is these human realities that serve as the basis for all  judicial systems.While justice may bring some sense of satisfaction to the offended person, justice does not typically restore relationships. If an employee who is found steeling from the company is caught tried and fined or imprisoned, everyone says "Justice has been served" but the comany is not likely to restore the employee to the original place of leasership.  On the other hand if an employee steels from the company but quickly takes responsiblity for the error, reports that misdeed to the supervisor, expresses sincere regret, offers to pay for all iniquities, and pleeds for mercy, there is the possibilty that the employee will be allowed to continue with the company. Without appology an offense is still a barrier to reconsiliation. Without an apology  forgiveness can provide for a means of acceptance as Trina explained, but the barrier in the relationship remains and the relationship deteriorates and reconciliation is not possible.  I think the corellary is also true, without forgiveness, this bitter root keeps us apart. The bible says (sorry Lori) "see to it ,( blablabla grace stuff,) that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many"  This bitter root is caused by the lack of humility.  Humility to appologize, and the humility to forgive.  Pride waters the bitter root.I know for my self, I brought many unresolved resentments into my marriage. And in recovery, it is not enough to deal with my resentments toward my wife, I must till the garden of my heart and pull out all the bitter roots all the way back to my abuse.