Binge

I had a binge last night for the first time in WEEKS. And by binge I don't mean little bit of cereal. I had bites of danish, cake, everything I had deprived myself of. And the guilt afterwards was tremendous. And I realized that this whole vicious cycle was about to start all over again. And I think it was the push I needed to see the state I'm really in.
I just have forgotten how to eat and treat food like a normal person. Even when I was relatively happy with my life and not restricting or bingeing, I would still throw up my food. I would still use it as comfort. I have been fortunate enough to have never been technically overweight or obese. But I have felt the effects of food addiction.
I just want my life to move forward. I watched a bit of a documentary called "Thin" last night about women with eating disorders, and I realized I just do not want that. I don't want to be in my twenties, bouncing in and out of centers, my life disrupted by food. Food shouldn't control me, I should control it.
 
I really really want to be normal. I just don't know how. I plan on leaning on you guys very heavily for support, so thank you for everything you have all done for me so far. You have no idea how much you mean to me. xo