Beyond Sad

Feeling really, really, really low today. It's more than the fact that H just spent the last of what was in our savings & the joint checking, as well as whatever he was getting in unemployment. I saw that coming. And it's more that I only have $32 until next Friday.
It's knowing that he's probably not going to take that 2nd job.
It's knowing that he's just going to remain satisfied with working his seasonal primary job & collect unemployment during the off-season.
It's seeing my son do barely anything to move him in a direction to get himself a job. (He's studying his driver's manual, which is good. But I will not be able to afford his driver's insurance & he needs a job for that. He can get a job without a car in our area.) He's starting to realize that he needs a job, but realizing & taking actual steps to get 1 are 2 different things.
It's having debt that I didn't wrack up, but has my name on it because it's a joint account.
It's wondering if, for the rest of my life, I'm going to be stuck supporting a bunch of people who don't/won't work and who will not live within their means.
It's going back & forth between considering getting a 2nd job just to bring in more money, and rejecting that idea because why should I work 2 jobs, when the other 2 combined aren't even working 1 full one and wouldn't that be enabling anyway?
I know there are plenty of people who are way worse off than I am. And I'm horribly aware that there is only so much I can control (unfortunately). So I'm mad at myself for having this little pity party.
But I'm also mad at H for not keeping an eye on his spending while he is unemployed. I'm mad at him for leaving it all up to me to keep the $ under control, when I have no control over it at all. I'm mad at the fact that he's made himself so unapproachable when it comes to spending. I'm mad that he doesn't care.
I'm mad that I have no money to get a new bathmat (ours is literally falling apart).
I'm mad that my son doesn't have more ambition. I'm mad at myself too, but I know I tried everything.
A couple of things I'm glad for. Having a journal where I can express my feelings & get it all out. And having a roof over my head.
I think tonight I'll spend some time in the garden, picking beans & weeding. It's too nice out not to be outside & weed therapy is always good.