Beware of Promises
Saturday, July 26, 2008 – 9:35 A.M. I have not been feeling well for a few days, so I have not been writing here. Despite our having temperatures in the upper nineties, my body seems to be out of whack because I feel as though I am freezing most of the time. In addition to that, all I really feel like doing is sleeping, but there are times when sleep just will not come. My thoughts have also been returning to the conversations I had this week with my brother and sister. Despite the nice ways in which both of them showed concern for me, there is just “something” I do not trust about them. I have heard similar dialogs from them in the past, and little, if anything, came from it. It is hard for me to trust others when I have “been burnt” so many times in the past. I am somewhat angry with Dale (my social worker) who I saw with my sister on Monday. At some point in our conversation, I mentioned that I used to drink (quite heavily) on the weekends, but had given that up four years ago. My sister said she had been unaware that I ever drank anything alcoholic, and Dale said it tied in with the way our parents, my brother, and brother-in-law used to drink. He added that I apparently have a problem with drinking along with all my other problems. I disagree with him, but did not say anything because I had this sensation that he was beginning to agree with my sister about most things, and I did not feel that was right since he was there to help me. Although my sister had agreed to go to another session with me (probably in September), she now says she has a full schedule during that month because one of her friends, who lives in England, will be coming to see her for three weeks during that month. As for my brother, he and his wife are going on a vacation. I cannot understand why they offered to see Dale with me when they knew they could not possibly carry out their promises. Personally, I think they just wanted to make good impressions. Quotes for Success: “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.” Dale Carnegie
Replies
I love the quote, I have also been feeling mistrust for those around me at work, I am trying to tell my self positive things, but negative thoughts keep trying to creep in. I am sorry you have been sick, I sure hope you start feeling better soon.
Jim, this is exactly how I feel with my own family. What they say and how they act are two different things. I have been told this is a symptom of a SA family.
That is what drives us, who were raised in it, completely NUTSO. I know it does me, anyhow.
My family will actually change what they say in one conversation. I\'d love to record their conversations.
I think we should send them all to therapy. Intense psychoanalyzing. They will have to defend their actions and be labeled with all kinds of disorders - like \'double speak disorder\' and \'failure to follow through\' disorder.
I\'m really sorry you are feeling low again. I\'m beginning to see that I really need to let go of any hope that my family is salvageable for me. I think they\'d be happier and better of without me in it. I\'m too much work. I don\'t want to feel like too much work anymore.
If you decide not to see them anymore, I think you\'ll be happier. It\'s pretty hard to let go of any expectations of family when we are taught family is so sacred.
I would love to see you find a better city for yourself so you could shine, Jim.
Weebs told me that discovering yourself is exciting. I like hanging on to thoughts like that.
Yes, I think the quote is very meaningful. If you don\'t like what you\'re doing, then you cannot be expected to do a very good job. Most of the time, my negative thoughts seem to overpower my positive ones.
Sam, a lot of people tell us one thing, and then do another. It makes it very difficult to maintain much trust in them. I have been through this with my family time and time again, yet I always end up giving them one more chance because I want - or need - to believe in them.
Despite all of the anger, mistrust, and disappointment I have in my family, I haven\'t reached that point where I am ready to give up on them. I have come close lots of times, but I don\'t seem to be able to make that final break.
As much as I would like to relocate to another community, I don\'t think this is the right time for me to give it a try. I came here from a place where I felt that I was important, and fit in well with the other residents. I would love to find a similar place in which to move.
Weebs is exactly right about discovering yourself. I have known her for more than a year, and find her to be a very knowledgeable and sincere person. She has truly helped me a lot, but don\'t let her know I said that or I will never hear the end of it. LOL
You are still a cool guy, Jim. That last comment made me smile.
You are right about people. Sometimes they say something but do not follow through on it. That is very frustrating to say the least. It can also be hurtful.
Don\'t try and analyze why your sister and brother choose not to go to counseling with you right now. Their reasons could be different than supposed. Hell...you are the guy with the long term recovery going. They don\'t seem to have much in their basket, as far as dealing with their pasts.
You all came from the same family. Just maybe they think therapy is an awful lot scarier than we do. Just maybe.
I am sure you are going to discuss your feelings with Dale concerning your perceptions regarding your sister. That is a touchy place for a therapist to go.
You know enough to keep the focus on you and your needs.
Sometimes people just use words to make themselves feel like who they think they are. Words are like a house of cards, nothing solid is at the base.
Don\'t give up on them. They might surprise you in the future.
For now, take care of you. I am sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well. I hope you are able to bring yourself back to a more comfortable sense of physical well being.
You are wise to keep your distance. I have heard it said many times, the best prediction of the future is based on past behavior. If people keep reacting in a certain way in their lives or towards us, there is a strong possibility that they will do it again.
Take care, now.
I SAW THAT!
LOLOLOL!
Ok seriously now... What you have sprung on your family is pretty big. It may take awhile for them to be able to get over themselves and participate. They\'ve had their own lives and their own demons to wrestle with too.
Don\'t give up.
And tell Dale how you feel.
And then have some CAKE and ice cream...
Hugs and Mojo,
Weebs
Oooh. I love that, Goodgod: words are like a house of cards.