BEWARE GOOD INTENTIONS

Major idiot---me---accidently killed my cat, with good intentions.

I put him to sleep on Monday, last night around 4 a.m. Wednesday, I realized, stress gave him liver cancer---stress from idiot-me taking him to the vet too much, trying to take good care of him.

And even before the vet, I took him, two summers, to get a haircut...really shaved...because...I was worried that the cat I loved would get hairballs from summer shedding and grooming.

I got my poor cat from a shelter in 2006; I asked for the cat that was there the longest, not caring what the cat looked like; i just wanted to save a cat that was in a cage too long.

Stupid stupid me: I should have realized that being in a cage for a year would traumize my poor cat for life.

After being in a cage for a year, being stuck in a pet carrier to the vet must have been worse than any disease I worried about for him.   And to the vet for teeth cleaning, blood work with his leg shaved, strangers/vet handling him like strangers at shelter would hold cats out their cage, 6 laser treatments that are supposed to help but probably more stress.

I knew, long ago, stress kills...worry about stress on my health....read about fat cat that lost weight and died from being flown around USA to be shown on tv...Bambi of Run Bambi Run female police cop who was maybe framed for a murder, she died from jumping out a window while waiting to be interviewed on tv, cause the room reminded her of jail.

I did get plug-ins, special to calm a cat, even two of them, for my tiny apt---but I brainwashed myself into thinking I was helping the cat with special trips and special vet treatments.  Plus, he was on a bland food diet from the vet, to lose weight---but I thought years ago he ate cause of comfort food and probably not getting enough at the shelter.

Been torturing myself for two days, knocking out stressed-out-me with xanax and two wine coolers a day.  Wanted to get another cat mere hours after mine put to sleep.  Then, cause I feed a stray cat just an alley away, I thought of rescueing that cat for me to adopt---more good intentions.

This morning, around 430, the stray cat was waiting for me, behind a locked factory fence, where he can get to through a locked gate.  I sat on ground where I put his food, the fence seperating us, me hoping the cat get used to me, so I could trap him and adopt him.  Me very willing to spend the little money I have to get him neutered, checked for fleas, checked for feline leukemia, rabies shot----but now I'm wondering if I'll only wind up accidently killing him with kindness, that maybe it's best to just feed him and hope for the best as he is.

I might, though only for selfish reason of having another cat, adopt from same shelter as before, and again asking for a cat, though not too old, that has been stuck in shelter the longest.  But at least now, thanks to  4 a.m. realization, and throwing away stuff/re-arranging my apt cause of too many memories of my cat, now I realize...no taking a new cat to the vet for blood work, to see if cat has any health problems.

If I do adopt another cat: regular cat food, though some of leftover vet I just bought...no teeth cleaning except for pain...no laser treatments except for obvious pain; hoping I don't go from one extreme to another with cat care.

RIP Goofy-Kat, "saved" from a shelter in 2006, when he was maybe 3 years old.  I called him Goofy cause maybe that, at the time, I thought of myself, too---though STUPID should be my name, written on my forehead as a warning to animals I care about.

Please forgive me, Goofy, Goofer, Goof, Goof-kat.