better for now.....
My husband apologized without me prompting him. And that is BIG. That said ~ he still has a bit of passive aggression behaviors going on by overriding me even though I've corrected him numerous times. He should know better.
I actually contacted a counselor on-line and asked how to handle this situation. I told him that my husband has improved working with me by telling our son that he'd have to "check with mom" ~ which was an improvement (to a degree) but the damage was already done because our son knew how his dad felt about it. The counselor suggested that next time he should say:
"I need to discuss this with Mom and we will let you know what we think"
I think that that would be appealing to my husband because if he has an issue with what I may have decided without him around ~ that would give him the opportunity to give me his point of view. All this time we could have been handling it this way but, honestly, I don't think my husband would've been open to it at all. Better late than never!
In the meantime ~ J is still surly with me. Not talking but expecting me to drop everything to drive him to the art studio. I insisted on an apology and that he treat me with respect no matter how much he thinks he's right. It hurts (especially this time of year) but I'd rather hurt than to have him behind the wheel. Part of this isn't only about the knee injury either. It's about a few days before Thanksgiving when he came home drunk ~ setting off our van alarm at 3:30 in the morning and breaking our lamp for the second time. He doesn't remember a thing. I didn't do anything about other than talk to him. I should have handled it then and there by taking the keys away but I didn't. So it's a part of my decision to not allow him to drive.
I actually contacted a counselor on-line and asked how to handle this situation. I told him that my husband has improved working with me by telling our son that he'd have to "check with mom" ~ which was an improvement (to a degree) but the damage was already done because our son knew how his dad felt about it. The counselor suggested that next time he should say:
"I need to discuss this with Mom and we will let you know what we think"
I think that that would be appealing to my husband because if he has an issue with what I may have decided without him around ~ that would give him the opportunity to give me his point of view. All this time we could have been handling it this way but, honestly, I don't think my husband would've been open to it at all. Better late than never!
In the meantime ~ J is still surly with me. Not talking but expecting me to drop everything to drive him to the art studio. I insisted on an apology and that he treat me with respect no matter how much he thinks he's right. It hurts (especially this time of year) but I'd rather hurt than to have him behind the wheel. Part of this isn't only about the knee injury either. It's about a few days before Thanksgiving when he came home drunk ~ setting off our van alarm at 3:30 in the morning and breaking our lamp for the second time. He doesn't remember a thing. I didn't do anything about other than talk to him. I should have handled it then and there by taking the keys away but I didn't. So it's a part of my decision to not allow him to drive.
Replies
Maybe, to expand on the counselor\'s thoughts, you can lean on your husband during your decision-making process also? Sometimes these situations can become good talking-points if the circumstances are right. it\'s the idea of letting him know you need his support too....and his input, even if it\'s not the same as yours. And presenting a united front to J is a very good idea.
It\'s hard to be a parent, especially when the kid doesn\'t remember or take responsibility for whatever reason.
If you feel you are part of the parenting team, maybe it won\'t feel so stressful for you.
Glad husb. apologized and even that is a step in the right direction.