Better Days Ahead
Hello Everyone! I have been behind the scenes reading for awhile and am stepping out today. It's time for me to be done with gambling. Past time, overdue. I am so impressed by the posts I've read the past few weeks. I almost feel like I "know" some of you, and I think that is a good way to start! For the first time, I actually knew people were feeling what I was feeling and going through what I've been going through. The posts actually helped me to examine everything at a deeper level. Knowing I was going down a bad road has been in existence for awhile. But getting to a point of being scared and foolish all had to accumulate at once. "Playing with fire" I call it, and doing it while unemployed has made it all the worse. My last day gambling was last Tuesday the 23rd. I had a chance to go today again - all month Tuesday has been double free play day - and it's made it much harder to finish out 2014 because of the increased temptation. But I'm glad to say that I didn't go today, the final double Tuesday, and have been planning to be done at the end of the month come H**L or highwater. By not going today I already have a week, but I'm probably not going to count any time quit, because I just don't want to be there anymore, and more importantly I know I can't if I ever want my life to improve and get back to some normalcy. I will be digging out of debt too, and am finally scheduled to go back to work on January 6th after 4 longs months of no income. No income can make you crazy and desperate which were my triggers. I believe once I am actually earning money again, my time represented in my paychecks won't be able to be pried from my hands. Oddly enough borrowed money was easier to spend! I feel that it will be important for me to contribute to this group as I move ahead because you've already been so helpful to me. 2015 - bring it on! I'm ready for a fresh start with a fresh mind.
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90 days for me today! Feeling so proud and thankful that I made it to this mark. 1st 60 days not too bad. Last two weeks were much harder with one particular day being dangerous. But I fought and got to the other side of that one. It\'s just simply not an option for me anymore. All the times I wanted to quit and said I would, had a plan, justified, etc. on and on were not the end. I absolutely knew it was the end when it finally arrived. One day you just know. Limits pushed, excuses ran out, money ran out before excuses. You will know when that day comes. It will be more apparent than the other days. I thought I quit for financial reasons and that had to happen. But ended up finding out that I quit for health reasons moreover. I wanted to respect the body God gave me and not subject it anymore to the dopamine and seratonin insanity after I learned from this site what that was all about. I didn\'t want to subject my lungs to second hand smoke anymore. I didn\'t want to deprive my body of food and water. I had developed acid reflux in the last year which is nearly gone now and off all meds for it. And after sitting for so long I have sciatica flare up now and then which I\'m still addressing. I wanted to give my body a chance to recover. Then I\'d know I was thinking more clearly and could make better decisions after that. I\'ve had some tough moody days and could be up up then down down. I chalked that up to the readjustment of the brain chemicals and cut myself some slack after it passed. I don\'t feel it\'s all realigned just yet but I\'m getting closer and by then I hope this will be a bad dream I had and wake back up to the world as I once knew it. I made a goal to save the amount of money I lost my last day during this first phase and I did! I\'m back to work after 7 months unemployment and one false start. It feels great to make money instead of spending on a credit card to gamble! I want to take the money I saved and put it right back on the card it came from in order to wipe that last day at the casino off the map. The rest of the debt will be chipped away at. I will remain strong and I thank God, this site and the sharing here for getting me back on the right track.