Better day today

I went to the doctor today, and we discussed my "condition", which she feels is primarily an anxiety disorder than a depressive disorder. I concur, because I've been giving it a great deal of thought lately, and every bad (disasterous event resulting) decision I've ever made had been influenced by the anxiety.  For instance, I stayed married years longer than I wanted to because every time I even considered going for the divorce, the anxiety became so intense that the only way to stop it was to give up the plans to move forward. Same with the latest ex-boyfriend.  Often, in the past, I have considered it laziness, taking the easiest route, but it was definately more than that. I stayed in that marriage until I felt certain that it was either get out or die. Yet, I haven't made any improvements in relationships - I've been divorced since 1992. I've had 2 rather bad relationships, one for 2 years and one for 4 1/2 years (which should have been only 2 years), and between I've been alone, afraid to get involved even when an opportunity arose. I discussed with my doctor this, because I absolutely have to manage this better. I cannot make decisions based upon whether or not the choice is going to make me feel like I'm going to break apart. I have to make decisions based upon what is best, because I usually know what would be best, but that is not always the easiest or less stressful. Since I'm going to have to be looking for a real job in the immediate future, I have to get this under control now. People just don't hire candidates that burst into tears during the interview. I've applied for several jobs (online), and have completed a screening test (also online) for a temp agency in Augusta. I'm hoping that I can find a position there, as opposed to actually moving to a larger city, so that I can dig out of the financial pit I'm currently in prior to making any move. In that regard, I really don't like living up here, and want to plan my exit strategy, but do not want to make that huge a decision while undr the influence of anxiety attacks. On a different note, I also spoke with the social worker that cut me off cash assistance and food stamps based upon acquiring a part time job that will only put me on schedule for 10 hours per week, and worked out a strategy with her that will allow me to regain benefits should the 10 hours per week hold, because that would qualify me for the assistance. So, I'm not going to actually starve this winter. Leaving the assistance as a back up plan helps me to be calm about my decision to move forward with the job search, because I don't like being on assistance in the first place. This is the first time in my life that I have ever been on assistance, because prior to this I've always been able to take care of myself. While never being rich (or really overly comfortable), I've always been able to manage to be somewhat comfortable, except when I was married. I feel better today, and I'm moving forward with plans to improve my situation. Hopefully, I can find a job, even if it is a temporary assignment, within a reasonable amount of time and get on the road to better financial stability. I am galvanized towards this effort, and I have 5 more months supply of the medication that is going to help me to become more stable in the effort.