better and cautiously optimistic

i feel better this morning. don't know how long it'll last, but at least i feel some sort of stability and level mood. i decided last night to up my lamictal on my own. 400 from 200 the last time i did that was too much, but i think i'll be okay making the jump from 300. now i have to talk to the p-doc about it. still, it's nice waking up not feeling so out of control. granted, waking in the night was definitely weird - that whole dizziness, stumbling thing like last time, but i'm willing to deal with a bit of disorientation and poor coordination.  during my last p-doc appt he said i needed to remember that meds can't fix everything. that's true but the difference between yesterday and today, between the last two weeks and today just reinforce and remind me that meds help provide needed balance so we can gain and maintain perspective.
so...better today...a smidge more than just ok...and more optimistic that i'll get a handle on things.
it's a nice feeling - that hope thing is.