Better
I made it through one of my most difficult days.I went to a 12 step meeting tonight, and grabbed some friends after. I am not usually needy or in need of attention, but I have to say it was nice to have someone focus on me. I was asked to speak at a mtg. coming up and I though omg this is the worst time for me to pull some inspiration out of somewhere. I will find it if I look and I do have a responsibility. Also on another note, I have been thinking about, and mentioned to a couple of my friends about spending less time with my gay friends.It seems like what I want for my life and ever wanted was a relationship and children.It seems that most of my friends are into looking for and glorifying sexual conquests.I will not put judgement on that ,but it is not what I want for myself.I need more and it feels like thr more that I am around that thinking, the less likely that is to happen, I do know that there are others that feel the same and have families, I do know that it is realistic.It is not encouraged amongs my friends.Also i know that I need to pull out of this depression before that could even happen. Maybe part of my depression is feeling that I do not have enough purpose to be fullfilled.Okay thats enough.
Replies
I think friends are always good to have. Also, in my opinion, wanting a relationship and children is a blessing, but first, I have to feel OK with myself first... I was trying to fill a void be looking for that someone to love me... It didn\'t help. My low self esteem and warped sense of life eventually drove people away. ( Also, it made me prone to look for destructive relationships too)
Take it easy on yourself.
I think hennings has some great points. However, I know in recovery they say you have to stay away from your drinking buddies, and that is what I had to do to quit drinking. Now I can go to a bar with people and drink diet coke and water, no problem. My point is that you need to get away from the friends that only care about sexual conquests and find new friends that will support the relationship and kid thing. I think you are right, though, you need to get out of the depression before you do the relationship thing. I think having to make the speech will actually help you get inspired. That my two cents. Not worth much, but it\'s what I got. Hugs.