better

I am feeling much better than i have been lately. My highs and lows are so extreme, that when i am at a low it's incredibly hard to come out of it. For a while i felt i lost my contact with my higher power, and that left the depressing thoughts to inhabit my brain. It's like a dark cloud hovering over me, and i couldn't see anything beyond. Sometimes i even wonder if maybe i am just so used to feeling depressed that i somehow allow myself back there because it is so familiar. Could be. I know a lot of my depression stems from my childhood, and teenage years which i have been delving into the past few months. Bringing up all this garbage sure is hard to deal with. I am working step four, and i have been writing down alot of things i had stuffed down for years... but anyways i do believe that ~god will do for me what i cannot do for myself~ and as i  have surrendered myself and my life over to the care of him... all will be well as long as i continue to believe... i will not give up on my road to happiness