Believing
Surviving child sex trafficking gave me an especially detailed insight to just how depraved and evil humans can be. I'm pretty hard to shock on that score and even harder to interest. Yea, yea, another day, another perversion. Got anything new in your bag of tricks, ho hummer? Never mind. . . I treasure my ignorance of your bag of tricks whenever possible.
Human decency and benevolent culture still shock me to the core. Can I trust ^it^? How do I test to be sure ^it^ is more than deceitfully glamoured false advertising? Every culture in human herstory has spawned its share of publically charming snake oil salesmen. Saleswomen, too.
Our second month in the new house is still feeling quite magical among the healing challenges here on our little ship of fools. I'm still looking over my hyper-vigilant shoulder to see if the proverbial light at the end of the proverbial tunnel is a not-so-proverbial fast moving train. Is that an engine rev I hear behind that proverbial light?
As I therapute my way through the current psycho chaos and pray my way to healing hopes, The Quiet Voice has been whispering only one single word. "Believe." Can't ya give me something easy to do? I'm working hard enough already!
Works in progress. . . Work smarter, not harder.
Replies
I like your positive outlook. I can't imagine what your past was like. Home has a way of feeling just like Home should.... Ive been trying to catch some of that magic myself. The light might just be the sun my friend. Bask in its warmth-who needs trains...
Big hug for you Arf….. I am so glad that you're all enjoying the new homestead.... Nice!!…. I hear your struggle to trust.... I am
sorry that you were violated in such a horrific manner..... Another gentle hug and a blessing.....xo
You are doing so well arf. I know it’s hard but we can only try to live in the moment. Warm hugs for a wonderful grandma.
Being sexually assaulted, tortured, and beaten all behind the scenes while growing up in a Christian pastor's home abroad left me with issues as to believing any goodness was genuine out there in the human race. Fortunately, I lived long enough to see the pedophile who got me and my friends go to prison and die there. I also lived long enough for what goes around to come around and bring my phony pastor father down from his hypocritical heights in the pulpit to being defrocked for committing fraud in his mega church's finances.
Scores settled in this world, as for my own belief in humanity, not having any evidence on which to base such a notion, I turned to yearning for another world beyond this one. I kid you not, I fantasize that there are aliens on other worlds where folks are logically kind. I fantasize that heaven is a place where I'll get to meet creatures like that, creatures who are simply good. To be honest, I want to meet them more than I even want to meet God in the afterlife, that's what would be heavenly to me. I tell myself that this world is not my home, I'm just passing through, there has to be a better place than this with a better class of inhabitants. Just hang on.....
Is it time for another "Safe Place Fantasy" thread, Muji? I still retreat to my imaginary Mud Caves on a fairly routine basis. My mud cave critters are even sweeter than the real life critters whose company I prefer during that confusing time between naps (reality). There is much to be said for a good escape fantasy.
Kudos to the new house and creating a home...may you all sail.on silver bird!