Being too nice and being lonely, is their a connection?
I read a post today about the reason why someone was alone was because he is too nice when dealing with women. I am having a very hard time with the post because part of me says "Always be good and nice to others because it will come back to you 10 fold" and the other side says "Seems like being an aggressive, sex seeking egomaniac is what women are looking for". Funny thing is, I met a few women on line at different sites and the women I was very forward with and got a little dirty with in my chats with them, got very interested in me and wanted to meet me. But unfortunately, that person is not me, well at least not a major part of me. My stbx, knows this and seems to be taking advantage of this and I am very worried that a wonderful women, actually my first gf from over 20 years ago has come back into my life and I am very fearful that she is trying to take advantage of me too. I have had many women come on to but this fear of being used is really driving me crazy. I seem to look at everything as if the person that I am dealing with just wants something from me and doesn't just want me.
I am so trying to find a person that just wants me for me, all of the good and all of the crazy. Especially the crazy bedroom stuff LOL. I am really tired of being alone and not having that intimacy, that person to wake up to and hold. That person that I can sit on the couch with and hold them, give them a massage just because, kiss them because I love them.
Well, as usual, I went off on a rant but I guess that is what journals are for!!!!
I am so trying to find a person that just wants me for me, all of the good and all of the crazy. Especially the crazy bedroom stuff LOL. I am really tired of being alone and not having that intimacy, that person to wake up to and hold. That person that I can sit on the couch with and hold them, give them a massage just because, kiss them because I love them.
Well, as usual, I went off on a rant but I guess that is what journals are for!!!!
Replies
I with you completely, I feel the same way about opening up to others and then being used/hurt. I have an extremely hard time trusting others and I know that\'s something I have to work on. I worry about not finding a guy who will treat me right and want the same type of future I want (I\'ve always wanted to be a mom). I\'m finding that most guys are into me for my looks/just hookups and it\'s so frustrating. Where are all the caring, respectful, ready to settle down guys? I so wish I had someone to cuddle with at night, I hate going to bed alone. Ugh...sorry for the venting, but I figured I\'d let ya know that I\'m feeling very similar. You are not alone, keep your head up and I guess the only thing we can do is continue to have hope and move forward.
Yeah I think it\'s a common fear. I have date a few guys since my ex husband & none of them have \"hurt me\" but it still hasn\'t worked out. Now the guy I\'m dating is really great & I can see having a future with him but my trust issues & fears may be the downfall. At first it was really comfortable talking to him & I told him things about my past that I didn\'t think I would ever tell anyone else. Somewhere along the way as we got closer the more scared I got of getting attached & so I pulled back. To the point of he doesn\'t want to be intimate again because he feels like I\'m leery of him & don\'t trust him. Of course him pulling back makes me worry he isn\'t interested again & it\'s a viscous cycle. We have since really talked & that has helped.....just a long way to go. Didn\'t even tell him I think I have a kidney stone & a doctor\'s appointment today. Only reason I can think is cause if I tell him & he doesn\'t care then I\'m going to feel even more alone.
I can relate to what you are saying. I have had several men take advantage of my kindness in many ways. I have been really hurt in the past but thankfully I know all men aren\'t that way. I don\'t want to change who I am. I am a giver and nurturer. I love that about myself. Don\'t change who you are.. just be careful. When you find Mrs. Right she will really appreciate you.