Being Secondary
Secondary
So what does it mean to be Secondary? I wish I knew, all I seem to know and find out is that it is not a good thing. I know it could be worse and I could be primary. No matter how you look at it, there is still no way to put a positive spin on it. The question of why me? comes to mind. It is just so hard to wrap your head around it especially when you were disabled from other things wrong with you and than to get the MS DX and than months later to be told Secondary is like living the nightmare over only this time you know what MS is and how badly it can ruin a life. Being told that I was lucky to go so many years with so little problems is not a comfort. One can only wonder how debilatating it can and will get. One can only dream for a cure but settle for a drug that may reverse the effects and hope that it can push one back or to RRMS. How could one even wish for some sort of MS? How is it that one can only pray that they hope they will be the one with the 6-10 years of less life? In Gods eyes to say why me? is being selfish. Is being selfish wrong when you have been given a life sentence? Is it selfish to want a normal life, to be able to play with your kids and grandkids? Is this Gods punishment for trying to take your own life than decide you want to live? Is this what happens? a life sentence for trying to take a life? I can now only wonder why I was'nt forgiven but given a lifelong disease. There must be a reason and I must find out what it is. I was given a different path in life to follow with the MS DX and now the path has changed again to even a harder one, maybe it is just a test and the doc is wrong, but my body knows that things have changed and not for the good.
So what does it mean to be Secondary? I wish I knew, all I seem to know and find out is that it is not a good thing. I know it could be worse and I could be primary. No matter how you look at it, there is still no way to put a positive spin on it. The question of why me? comes to mind. It is just so hard to wrap your head around it especially when you were disabled from other things wrong with you and than to get the MS DX and than months later to be told Secondary is like living the nightmare over only this time you know what MS is and how badly it can ruin a life. Being told that I was lucky to go so many years with so little problems is not a comfort. One can only wonder how debilatating it can and will get. One can only dream for a cure but settle for a drug that may reverse the effects and hope that it can push one back or to RRMS. How could one even wish for some sort of MS? How is it that one can only pray that they hope they will be the one with the 6-10 years of less life? In Gods eyes to say why me? is being selfish. Is being selfish wrong when you have been given a life sentence? Is it selfish to want a normal life, to be able to play with your kids and grandkids? Is this Gods punishment for trying to take your own life than decide you want to live? Is this what happens? a life sentence for trying to take a life? I can now only wonder why I was'nt forgiven but given a lifelong disease. There must be a reason and I must find out what it is. I was given a different path in life to follow with the MS DX and now the path has changed again to even a harder one, maybe it is just a test and the doc is wrong, but my body knows that things have changed and not for the good.
Replies
Hugs, Dave. Really BIG Hugs!!!! Remember that this is not your fault --- none of it. We all probably ask ourselves the same question....both when dx & when we get worse....I know asked myself why me? What did I do to deserve this? And then while relieved to finally receive a dx, I had to hear that mine was starting to progress from R&R to secondary too...and hadn\'t even had symptoms for 9 mo. I am here for you as are many others. You have a big heart & many people on here would do anything for you....including me. Rest my friend & remember you did not do this, ask for this, cause this. We were just given the unlucky hand. We must try to look at whatever happiness there is in each of our days & soak it up.
Dave it is not selfish to want those things. I know it is hard to see it as anything other than punishment.
I will keep you in my thougths and prayer and I sure hope things get better for you soon. All I can say is that I am sorry that you are going through this, and I am sorry to hear that has now turned into secondary. Lisa