Being pushed out

Well my fear of being pushed out of Bruces family seems to be happening. Bruce has 4 sisters and 1 brother(deceased). The girls were so comforting and were there for me even more than my own family. I know it was as tramatic for them as it was for me to lose Bruce. It was their 2nd brother to lose. I think thats more than most people could handle. Anyway, over the last 1yr 11mos. they have taken me under their wing. Being there emotionally and physically. Crying with me, laughing with me and even helping me out during a major snow storm we had where I had lost my power for a few days. I loved feeling like family. Also over the last 2 yrs I would get the feeling that it wouldnt last. Different comments would be made that would make me see that I am not really family. One sister saying that she has to change her will to take out another family member. Not that I want her$. It just showed me I'm not truly family. Then another sister saying that if Bruce and I had kids together we would be closer. We didnt get married until I was 44, what did they want from me. I'm glad I'm not a single mother again. Well now I hardly get phone calls (they used to be daily). If we talk its because I call them. I stopped getting invited to family events. I did just go to my brother in laws surprise 50th but I wasnt introduced to anyone unless I introduced myself. It just really bothers me because I thought we were getting really close. Now I feel like I was an obligation. We werent very close before Bruce died, its not that we werent close its just that they were all girls and I was married to the Brother and he wasnt much into hanging out with his sisters. I remember when he was alive and we would have family gatherings everyone used to make jokes that I was the last one to get the family gossip because I was with the only boy in the family. And gossip wasnt his thing.He wasnt one of the sisters, there wasnt that bond. So  when Bruce died we were all there for eachother. I was like a sister. Now I feel like an aquaintance. I've been pushed out. I feel like I'm losing another part of him. I wondered how this would feel, How long would I be part of the family. wondering if I met someone else would they still be my inlaws. Or ifI decided to move to warmer weather would we still keep in touch. And how many more Christmases would we spend together. I guess if we dont have kids, there really isnt the family ties. i think I'll give one of the sisters a call tomorrow to say Hello. But I'm not ready to discuss my feelings. Thats what I have you all for. LOL. Anyway I'm not one to force anybody into liking me.

Replies

Glenda
Glenda

Isn\'t it odd...when your husband dies that his family is not the same....My husbands brother and his wife were real close to Rodger and I and now I seldom hear from them....I think I make them sad...and that might be the case for you...Hang in there....Love and hugs! Glenda
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your experience is not a unique one unfortunately. Thankfully your in-laws were there to support you for the first two years.But you are right in feeling that you are not family and that really hurts. Without rehashing the sordid details, I was pushed away by constant criticism from both sides of the family, his and mine. There was no support at all; so I was on my own much sooner.

It is a good idea for you to make a move and call one of those sisters. They may not realize that they are making you feel like an outsider. If you cannot be family you can at least be friends! Obviously they care about and for you or they would not have made all those caring efforts after your husband died.
Take care
nannysel
annsullivan
annsullivan

Hoping everything works out for the best....Hugs, Ann
deleted_user
deleted_user

Loei, I am so sorry that this family is turning away from you. It seems so cold to me, and I really do not see why they are doing this.I always thought that I could never have too much family or too many friends. I guess I think everyone should feel that way. It would be diffrent, if you and Bruce had divorced, but tall wer happily married. I am sorry this is hurting you. You have your DS family! You have helped me from the very first time we met DS. I have watched you go from just broken hearted to having some life again. You have been a inspiration. You are hope for me because you got better, and so I can too. You just remember I care about you and I love you.Peggy
missulance
missulance

Lori, I am sorry that you are going through this. I experienced immediately with Lance\'s family. It was as though I was an ex-wife not the widow of their brother/son. I does hurt so very much and agree with you it feels like you are losing another part of them. Sadly it seems like this is not uncommon. I keep trying for the sake of our daughter and son it is important to me that they have contact with their father\'s family. I know your situation is different as far as children goes, but it definately hurts. Don\'t give up. Love and Hugs. Denise
deleted_user
deleted_user

Lori,
I hope that everything works out for you and just wanted to send you a great big hug your way my friend.
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
BETTY