Being Less
This year has been more difficult than others. Seems each year, I'm able to do Less. Due either to emotional, or phsycial problems.
Now my computer is having difficulty .. Go figure.
Snow storm has dumped about a foot of snow on La Crosse Wi. My side walks need to be cleared. I ask my 22 year old son. He said he thought I'd already....
Well I tried... snow was wet and heavy, my back wouldn't do more than the steps, and I had to give up. Now I'm wondering how much am I suppose to put up with... I get eviction notices if I don't pass inspections, or if my son doesn't do community service.. which he does, but his hour often don't get reported on time. So I get a letter they aren't gonna renew my lease.
It's just one thing after another. I know my son has a learning disability, he don't see things the way most folks do.. He will shovel the side walks if I raise enough Hail.... sand or gravel LOL
My blood pressure has been high since I got this last bottle of pills, they are different than the last, I went from 90 over 50, too 177 over 90.. so I doubled my dose... now It's around 130 over 70.. makes me wonder if this batch is messed up or something... told the Doc... he don't listen.. asked for a stronger anti-inflamation med.. gave me something else..
I just wonder how I'm suppose to get by, supporting a grown man with my SSI, and a few dollars in food share... I pray every day for strength, and courage to see us through...
It is so hard because I feel alone, abandon by my other Children, because they rather believe I'm just a fake moochin off the system, sure breaks my heart they have such a lowly opinion of their Dad... Mom cool tho... she speaks the words of Mom, and well darn.. how ya gonna defend against something like that...
So being less, isn't easy...
Being alone is even harder...
Why me my oldest daughter use to ask me....
Well I could of told he why... I had so many times... but the thing is most folks only hear what they wanna hear...
I hear something in my Heart... don't give up... I hear...and lately sometimes when it seems more than i can bare... I wonder WHY ME?
Yepp sure do... then I feel sad, cause I had no control of the things my Abusive childhood heaped upon me for ten years... no way to understand why a person could say I love you then try to beat me to death with a flyswater handle...broom handle of what ever she could get her hands on...that old flyswatter had a wire handle...
Lately these memories just got worse... everything I thought I'd settled
Ain't settled anymore... just darn bothersome...
I know I did good as a husband and a father... but I hurt so bad when I'm accused of otherwise by my hateful EX, and my daughters side with her... just plain hurts... got no defense either.... like casting ya pearls before swine... such a waist...
So hey... Wonder what this year gonna hold...
I might just go live in my Van... LOL... did that for a while years ago... but hey didn't have a 22 year old kid to support...
gonna hang in here.... see what happens... bet it's a Mess...
Later Russ...
best wishes happy holidays.. everyone...
Now my computer is having difficulty .. Go figure.
Snow storm has dumped about a foot of snow on La Crosse Wi. My side walks need to be cleared. I ask my 22 year old son. He said he thought I'd already....
Well I tried... snow was wet and heavy, my back wouldn't do more than the steps, and I had to give up. Now I'm wondering how much am I suppose to put up with... I get eviction notices if I don't pass inspections, or if my son doesn't do community service.. which he does, but his hour often don't get reported on time. So I get a letter they aren't gonna renew my lease.
It's just one thing after another. I know my son has a learning disability, he don't see things the way most folks do.. He will shovel the side walks if I raise enough Hail.... sand or gravel LOL
My blood pressure has been high since I got this last bottle of pills, they are different than the last, I went from 90 over 50, too 177 over 90.. so I doubled my dose... now It's around 130 over 70.. makes me wonder if this batch is messed up or something... told the Doc... he don't listen.. asked for a stronger anti-inflamation med.. gave me something else..
I just wonder how I'm suppose to get by, supporting a grown man with my SSI, and a few dollars in food share... I pray every day for strength, and courage to see us through...
It is so hard because I feel alone, abandon by my other Children, because they rather believe I'm just a fake moochin off the system, sure breaks my heart they have such a lowly opinion of their Dad... Mom cool tho... she speaks the words of Mom, and well darn.. how ya gonna defend against something like that...
So being less, isn't easy...
Being alone is even harder...
Why me my oldest daughter use to ask me....
Well I could of told he why... I had so many times... but the thing is most folks only hear what they wanna hear...
I hear something in my Heart... don't give up... I hear...and lately sometimes when it seems more than i can bare... I wonder WHY ME?
Yepp sure do... then I feel sad, cause I had no control of the things my Abusive childhood heaped upon me for ten years... no way to understand why a person could say I love you then try to beat me to death with a flyswater handle...broom handle of what ever she could get her hands on...that old flyswatter had a wire handle...
Lately these memories just got worse... everything I thought I'd settled
Ain't settled anymore... just darn bothersome...
I know I did good as a husband and a father... but I hurt so bad when I'm accused of otherwise by my hateful EX, and my daughters side with her... just plain hurts... got no defense either.... like casting ya pearls before swine... such a waist...
So hey... Wonder what this year gonna hold...
I might just go live in my Van... LOL... did that for a while years ago... but hey didn't have a 22 year old kid to support...
gonna hang in here.... see what happens... bet it's a Mess...
Later Russ...
best wishes happy holidays.. everyone...
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