Being Happy...

ok...i guess some one is trying to tell me something again...the theme of a show i watch daily was 'Being Happy'....i watched the rebroadcast of my church's past worship church, and it just happened to be the exact thing  that i was talking about to my mom yesterday..that was a little wierd to me, but  it was just a reminder of how i have felt, and how i can feel (happy) ....then i checked my email, and was reminded that it's time to update my goal to 'Be Happy'...so...okay...someone is trying to tell me something, and i think i'll go ahead and listen... i wrapped the few presents we have for Christmas this year, and that made me happy and sad at the same time...Like most people, i am doing my best to get through this time of year....i love this time of year...but because of my current situation...i also get sad this time of year...and i just go back and forth.... last week, after attending a motorcycle rally (which i totally enjoy!) i was very 'depressed' during the week...couldn't get anything done...it was a hard week...until i got to Sunday and i was able to refuel and start feeling better...and i'm doing okay now...but that week...was HARD...and all i want is to be happy...so what do i do?  well, me i ramble...so here goes...i've been unhappy for a while...it started a long time ago, when i got separated and divorced...when i was going through that, i remember feeling and telling my now ex mother in law...that i just wanted a giant hole to open up in the earth and swallow me whole...then i disappeared for a few days!...boy, were they worried about me...but i just went to be alone...and unhappy....  anyway, the show i watched today mentioned divorce...and the psychologist on the show made the following point.... ..."Divorce is harder than the death of a mate. If somebody is married to someone they love dearly, and that mate dies in a car accident, that's hard to take.  But it's even harder to go through a divorce because the person that you love is rejecting you, so they're choosing to leave; the person who died in the wreck didn't choose to leave"... so i guess that's why i became and have been so unhappy since my divorce...  another point the psychologist made was this... "...the only way to happiness, is the Great Comandment... to love God, to love others and allow them to love you back even with all your faults,...and to love Yourself..."  Yeah, well...i love my self a little bit...but i guess not like i should...right now i don't like myself too much...but  apparantly, in order to be happy i have to overcome that and love myself...so i continue trying...to be happy... it's getting a little better everyday, and i guess that good...but what is really good is that i'm coming closer to realize what i need to do to be happy...and that i know is good...it's just going to take a while....don't know how long cause like i said in my last update, i'm going to work on it one day at a time...i got Sunday down...now i need to work on Monday's... just a note...i readjusted my progress slider to 15% because i'm working on this goal one day at a time...and 100% divided into 7 days is about 14.27...or about 15% per day...and since i got one day that i am definately happy on (Sunday), i'm at 15%!... okay...i'll stop rambling now......:)...thanks for listening/reading :) bye...