Being abandoned, scared, and lonely.

My dad was sick for a year and almost died many times. They didn't know what was wrong with him. My mom would take us to the hospital to see him for the last time (this happened many times).  He might not be here tomorrow. I was 9 almost 10 years old. My mom decided because my Dad was in the hospital she couldn't take care of us anymore. She just told us there was no money and she had to be at the hospital all the time so we had to go live with my Aunt (her sister).
Off we went with a little bag of clothes and a few personal belongings. Right away at my Aunts she laid down the law. We were expected to help out and do what she told us to do. That meant walk 3 1/2 miles to school by ourselves there and home, come home and clean her house, clean her yard, take care of her kids, set the table, do dishes, and any other chores she wanted done. We took care of her two boys one was 2 and the other one 5 or 6. I had to change diapers all the time, clean house, she made me shower with the 2 year old boy and i was not comfortable doing that at all. I was beginning to develop a little and was very self conscious and shy about my body. He would grab my boob and say "Boobie". I think he showered with her before and thats where he got that I'm not sure. I was very uncomfortable. i know it sounds like ok kids should do things and help out around the house and earn their keep noting wrong with that but it wasn't like that at all. It was like we were slaves for her. My oldest sister and her didn't do anything. They had my other sister and I doing everything in the house. We cooked dinner (all I knew how to do was open cans and heat them on the stove at the time. But she give me instructions on what to make. I didn't even know how to do it. Then when it was messed up or if the kids didn't let me do the chores or the food I would get yelled at and in trouble. Punished for the week. I couldn't do my homework because by the time the kids would go to sleep I was so tired I couldn't stay awake.
The whole time we were there (I"m not sure how long maybe 6 to 8 months or maybe a little more) but my mom never checked on me, never talked to me to see how I was doing, and she just basically abandoned us there. I would ask when I could talk to my mom and my Aunt would tell me she didn't know maybe next week. I did not understand this at all but later when it was over I found out why.
The school my sister and I had to go to was terrible. It was full of mexican gang members. The girls would size us up and threaten us. My sister was jumped in the lockers one day going to get her books. I was threatened and intimidated every single day there. I kept telling my sister as we walked to school lets just not go , we can go somewhere else and wait it out til we can go back home.
One day after many months we were told we could go home soon. I waited and waited and thought things would go back to the way there were before my dad got sick. We went from my Aunts to my Grandmothers house and I just remember a day later my dad came barely able to drive to pick us up. We had to push the clutch pedal while he drove when he told us too because he was still that weak after having open heart surgery and having a heart valve replaced. That was in 1974. I was 11 years old and when we got home - I dont remember anything about this part but my older sister told me years later that our parents took us on a camping trip and told us they were getting a divorce. I only remember going from my Grandmothers and home with my dad. I never remember seeing my mother at all when I came home. My memory was and still is that I didn't hear from her for weeks and I had no idea where she was staying or who she was with. She called one day and I asked her when she was coming home and she said I'm not. I met a man who I am happy with and Im leaving your father. I was devastated. I hadn't seen her since we left to my Aunts house months earlier, she didn't care how I was being there, then when I did get back she was gone. It was like she just up and left for good and I had no idea that was coming. I found out later she was working at a place and she met a man and she decided she wanted to be with him and not have kids or my dad anymore. She acted like that was just fine. I hardly saw her after that for a long long time. Then she started to get me once in a while with her new boyfriend and they would take me to USC football, baseball, and basketball games. But he didn't want me there. He didn't want my mom to have me over and he let me know in passive aggressive ways. So I was abandoned by my mom. From then on I was never close to her again. He would allow it and she went along with him. To this day that is how it is with her and him. They never told his parents that she even had kids. They hid that from his family. So we just didn't exist anymore. I was the youngest and I saw my oldest sister having boyfriends and they would stay at our house all the time (one at a time) and my other sister started smoking, taking pills, staying out all the time, and running away from home. My oldest sister was always gone with her boyfriend or shut up on her room with him (she was 16) and my dad was never home, he worked all day and at night he went out to dinner and went on dates. Most of the time after my mother left I was home alone all the time. Nobody cared for me and I felt nobody loved me. Not my mom, dad, or my sisters cared. My dad punished me when i was 12 because he used to make me dig up the front yard because of the weeds and I had done it the last 3 times. I decided it was one of my sisters turn to do it and I wasn't going to do it this time. I stuck to my guns. My dad said if I didn't do it by a certain day and time he wasn't going to buy food anymore. I didn't do it and he didn't buy food anymore. From 12 years old to 16 I starved a lot. Sometimes he would take me to eat at a restaurant but he would not put food in the refrigerator. I would go to school so hungry and at lunch watch people eat. my stomach hurt all the time and sometimes had me doubled over. I got so skinny and weak.
That is the first part of my story about my abandonment and neglect. I think thats enough for today. I am writing and sharing this in hopes it will help me to heal and recover from my issues and relationships.
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment or share with me.