Being a good spouse

I have been back in touch with my ex and did so at my own peril.  I let him down on New Year's Eve (because I took a nap and missed his phone call). He has feelings hurt over that.  I made the mistake of letting him into my bed the day before and for that I will pay emotionally    His latest email says he is reassessing this relationship.    Well we are divorced and so this can just stop....but we are such close friends.  It is what it is.  I don't know.  I even shaved my legs for him, and trust me, I don't worry much over that and I doubt he noticed anyhow.
I need to rebuild my self esteem.  I was never a perfect wife or partner and I have my failings.  But I was mostly a damn good wife to both of my ex husbands.   My first ex and I grew up near each other.  He was known as a bad boy.  And he was that.  We were together for 20 years.  He was a hard working man and a good father to the two children we had together.  I have huge respect for him.  But we decided after counseling that we were better apart.  It was a brutal breakup but it did end ok.
I helped that man get his own business up and running.  I raised those two kids well.  And for fuck's sake, at night, he would ask me to massage his scalp so he could sleep and I did that. Every Night.  I was a great wife.  If he wanted sex or food he got it.  I gave it my all.