Being me..

  Well I sat back and take a short look at my life, cause I can't stand to dwell  there too long, just too darn difficult to admit that I made all those mistakes that has led me to be where I am today...One thing I learned is the person in the mirror is mostly responsible for the decision we make in life...Sad sack, is I made a lot of not so great decision in my life... Well what can I say, seem like I keep trottin down the same ole path doing the same thing over and over again... My therapist says I need to try something new...Okay I rode a bus... that's new.... bought my son a month bus pass for thirty dollars that  exspires the last day of sept, even tho the guy said it was good for thirty days... Yeah rite... he was too  busy hittin on the cute security gaurd to pay attention to what I was askin....See live and learn... My oldest son comes and borrows my van to go to church and choir and this and that.... tonite when he got back from choir the dang sliding door fell off the back roller hendge.... Oh I fixed it already.... now I gonna pay for that , I gotta get up an go visit the vampire tomorrow at the clinic for lab test...I really don't like needles....Man it's takin for ever for my lungs to adjust to this city air....sinuse aint none too happy either... eater.... mo stuffy sniffle chit... then they drain... drip drip drip... and that dang breathin machine well it helps some times, but hey sometimes my sinuses get so dry during my sleep they hurt... Ouch....Funniest thing about it is I'm happy....I'm feelin better, but my weight has taken a halt... it's the water i think,  jumps up to six to ten pounds in just afew hours... I pee more than a dog markin territory.... ooops maybe I hadn't aughtta told that one....well some times I feel like I wanna just quit... but I don't like to give up.... I know most my decision I make in life are influnced by my PTSD, see I tend to act on my feeling alike a kid.... nope I aint smarter than a fifth grader...but I'm a heck of a lot bigger lol.... guess I still got a chance... cause I'm so glad I had this day.... life is so precious.... each moment is a memory we can ad to all the other moments we collect in our lifes... I like the ones that make me smile and feel loved... those are the ones I cling to when stress and pain cause me to be depressed and blue...so stay in the sunshine my friends... I'm so blessed to have all of you as friends... russ