beginnings and endings and beginning again...

 It's funny what you remember most isn't it? I still think about Molly every day. Still miss her in the places of my heart that haven't healed and won't heal. And I wonder about the fact that I've had Luna now for three years and that's three times the length that I had her in my life.  I still know quite certainly that her spirit and her soul belonged to the child I thought I would have..... and eventually did, in her. That there will be another life, another time, another place in space and history when I will have her with me again and we will be a family... she and Christopher and I... as it was always meant to be....and I find some peace in that knowledge. And there is another "child". I brought home a green cheek conure a few months after she was born. She is fun and funny and more than just a handful to raise and manage. She is wicked smart, gets more and more beautiful as she gets older. She and Luna share September as a birth month and she is 1 to his 3. I named her Sunivah (Soon-ee-vah or Soonee for short) which is norwegian for "little sunshine" and seemed appropriate given that Luna is a night child and I really needed a little sun in my life when I brought her into it. She is a whole new set of stories and problems and joys. She chats almost constantly when awake (to me, to Christopher, to herself if it strikes her fancy and it often does) and is busy and bustling and bursting with life... and she gets REALLY crabby when she's tired or hungry or feels generally under-appreciated.... and hmmmmmm...... my husband says we get the pets we deserve! And we have, in this terrifying economy after he'd been out of work for months, started our own company. We are employers. Small business owners. We mortgaged the house just before real estate really hit bottom (because we'd been in it for over 6 years we had some fairly substantial equity) and Christopher did ALL the paperwork: made a business plan, applied for a loan through the SBA (small business association) which was approved and is managed through a company in Seattle under some pretty strict terms designed both to help us and keep us honest.... We have a business account with an honest-to-goodness LOCAL BANK (I didn't think there were any left after the great banking collapse of 2008!... cause now all banks are Chase or B of A right?) and there is a check ledger and payroll/payroll taxes ledger and expense ledger and there's excise taxes and quarterlies and bi-weekly payrolls and yours truly is trying to manage both the intellectual and emotional learning curves required for the undertaking of such an overwhelming experience while learning how to keep said books and pay said taxes and make those payrolls so my hubby can take our crew out on the road with the trucks, trailers and equipment required to be our own synthetic turf installation company. We are "BAREFOOT TURF" ....... We do it right so our reputation can stand on it.   The name is courtesy of my husband "Bear" and the "we do it right" tag-line  is courtesy of me. It is a joint venture... truly.... and it was and is an enormous leap of faith, founded on hard work, blood, sweat and tears.... quite literally! We started last June and so far so good..... And last month my Mom got sick. Really, REALLY, days and days in the hospital with my Dad and I taking turns so someone would be with her at all times sick. Sick so that, when they basically told her to leave (methinks perhaps they didn't like us in the hallways asking for pain meds every 4 hours so she wouldn't tip over the edge again and require intravenious dilaudid to tide her over until the vicodin could kick in) we moved her to a care facility because she was too ill and too delirious to go home with any of us (and on IV antibiotics for the infections her body was fighting) so when her attending physician called to say that one of the infections WAS MERSA (MERSA is the flesh-eating infection that everyone is so terrified of) and she should be moved to isolation.... SHE HAD BEEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL LESS THAN 4 HOURS EARLIER!!! Thank God the care facility was staffed with people who DID care and demonstrated it to all of us every day that she was there..... And she is recovering. She's doing it slowly and has missed a cruise to Norway and through the arctic (you knew I'm a "purebred" Norwegian right?) which she is finally well enough to be pissed off about... And she isn't crying every day now (a fairly recent turn of events) and I am going 2-3 times per week to take her to appointments for her IV, or physical therapy or to the cardiologist (infection reached the heart), or the hematologist (one of the infections is blood born), or the internist, or who or whatever else needs to be addressed and attended to and Dad hasn't been able to help because now he's sick. But it's gotten the three of us the closest we've been in about 30 years so there are some things to be thankful for in all of this... And HOLY CRAP it's 4:35am!!! I have to finish payroll because it goes out on Friday, Aug. taxes are due the 15th of Sept., quarterlies are coming, I have to convert my hard won written system onto the computer program we got to run all of this on, we're having a company party on Sunday because the weather should be marvelous so I'm making roasted new-potato salad, tossed shrimp salad/slaw with home-made blue cheese dressing, baked beans, fruit and veggie plates and the husband will be grilling the BEST New York steaks you can get in the state (from a small local market where they went on sale for 4 days at 5.50 a lb. which is what prompted the idea of the party in the first place) and Mom has an IV appointment on Friday...... I GOTTA GO! But I'll be back. I love you girls! 



Oh God I am soooo tired! Janine I need a vacation just thinking about all this! Congrads on the business. Is Christopher, Bear? I am thrilled your Mom and Dad and you have really connected although I can\'t say the how of it is especially a good thing. Hope they are doing better. I think it is excellent that you are eccentially running the business. There is something good about being able to yell back at people that yell at you. You really couldn\'t do that before. Of course you can\'t fail customers though. Oh well you could write nasty notes in the comment line of your database. Love your always did have a way with words. I can see why you haven\'t been here....but know you are always missed.....your humor, your compassion, your imagination...among other things of course. I will never get the image of Molly sitting on Timmy\'s shoulder out of my mind. For me she will always be with him and Adam and Cara raising all kinds of hell. Of course \"P\" is dropping eggs on whomever makes the mistake of sitting too long in one place. What is a conure? Soonee is a great name and yes I am thrilled she never stops talking. Bear is absolutely correct!
Bank failures and job losses have hit everyone hard. Truth be told its the first time I have been happy I had a stroke. I don\'t have to work to live but I still miss it. I used to be able to keep my hand in by doing program automations for a friend but she is no longer working. Mom is doing well although she is slowing down quite a bit....I guess 88 is more than a number. The kids are well, the family growing exponetially. Kids all over the place now. Amy (the oldest) is marrying again Oct 15. Mom and I are going on her honeymoon with her to Disney. We will take care of the two girls....Bri and Alyssa so that the parents can have some time at night to go out and be newly weds.....Sigh! Ryan is expecting his new son, Connor, the beginning of Oct. You know I could have been a nun....I would have been a good nun....yes I would!
Well I miss you much...... Love ya, Kathy