Been thinking...

about loneliness, about goals, about moving forward.
Remember those goals I posted a LONG time ago?   Well, I knew it would happen - I got stuck in my grief and they went nowhere.   Why?  Well, several years ago, I lost my best biking buddy (my dog) to cancer, and for a whole year, I lost my drive, lost my will to get out there on the trails because I missed him so much.   And this time, I lost my best friend (my X).  Yep, same kind of grief (and no, I'm not calling the X a dog, lol).
A year has passed since my marriage ended... and once again, my grief is over.  So I'm back looking at those goals again and I feel ready/excited to get working on them.   And as I was walking my dogs this morning, I got to thinking about the loneliness... and realized that the LAST TIME I was really accomplishing things I was working toward, I was VERY lonely!   And through that loneliness I found more drive, more strength, more focus to accomplish them because the work exposed me to more people.  The loneliness was something I NEEDED to move forward.
So I've come full circle again.... this weekend is the last weekend I have my friend's dog visiting as she travels to get set for her move.   And I'm gonna make the most of it.   And while the mutts (mine and hers) are resting after our playtime tomorrow, I'm gonna pull out my mountain bike, pack my backpack with my emergency supplies, and go hit the trails for a few hours.  I've already started... I stopped the emotional eating last month as well and the only thing to get going on is the biking.   I've got some work to do so I can keep up with the other bikers, but I can already tell that it's coming back fast....  
So looking forward... I see a NEW ME.  One who's going to be fit for the first time in 20+ years.... one who is stronger and wiser... OMG, I'm envisioning shopping for new clothes for myself and LIKING it!   Scary about the future?  No, actually - not all all.  Because I'm READY for it. 
LATER!