Been sick and not happy
Hey, just checking in after a few days of not signing on....I've been sick with the worst cold I've had in ages.I went to the store earlier this afternoon and realized I hadn't been out of the house for 3 days! I've just been sleeping and trying to breath and coughing in between. Oh, ya, and taking pain killers for the headache I keep getting. Yuk.Fortunately, Andrew had his 2 days off this week so he's taken care of the few things that couldn't wait, ran errands for me, checked the mail and answered the phone while I slept. He's a good kid. Thank God.On the Sarah front....not good.I've been working on taking her off the meds or lowering doses that the hospital Dr. had told me to work on. First one was a mood stabilizer and I knew within a week of her being off completely that it had obviously been doing some good. I tried to wait it out and see if she stabilized...no such luck. I put her back on a half dose. That helped somewhat, but I was still waiting to see how much when things turned ugly...real ugly.This week has been so bad that I'm putting her back up to where she was and quickly. I CANNOT live with her like this. The last 2 nights have been so bad that I have been up to 4:30 - 5 o'clock in the morning with her while she spews all kinds of nasty accusations and opinions at me. She has false memories, delusions and has accused me of abuse! - all because I wasn't catering to her like she wanted! and all this on top of being sick myself.Oh, and she accused me of playing that up for sympathy and the other night when I couldn't breath, I was "wheezing too loud and I was annoying her".I can't take much more of this. Taking her off her meds has been eye opening. I see how sick she really is without her meds and it's breaking my heart.Plus I'm dreading tonight.(her moods all happen at night....it's her particular cycle....plus her "energy" goes up hence the late nights/early mornings)
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Oh, wow! I feel so sorry for both of you! It\'s times like these when I really wish we lived close, so we can both cry on each other\'s shoulders! It sucks being sick, but I\'m glad you\'ve got Andrew there to help you. I keep hearing about him and the things he does, he must make you very proud that he\'s matured so finely. But Sarah... What a horrible way to understand the effects of her meds. I know you understand that she doesn\'t mean it, that she just needs her meds, but I can see how much she\'s hurting you anyways. Accusations like those, especially of abuse, are so hurtful under any circumstances. It was just a few journals ago that you were raving about how well the two of you were bonding. How sad that things deteriorated so quickly with that med. I hope for both of you that increasing the dose will quickly work. If it makes you feel any better, nights are when Kari has her moods, too. That\'s when she gets unbearable. But she\'s nothing like Sarah\'s been. Good luck!!!
thank you for your support...it means the world to me...you\'re actually the only one besides Andrew that I\'ve told about this, so I checked in here today right away hoping to hear from you...I\'ve been too sick to talk on the phone, my voice keeps cracking or making me cough and staying up so late and being stressed is not exactly helping me get better. I can\'t remember the last time a cold flattened me this bad...I usually just push thru and function anyway,tissues in pocket, trying not to offend too many people as I sniffle my way thru the supermarket...not this week...too wiped, dizzy and weak..thank God Andrew drives now!..by the way Jeffrey has been doing A LOT better lately too...he\'s just not around during the day to be as helpful (he works a regular M-F, 8-5 and Andrew works a retail job so has different shifts). Jeffrey helps in different ways, like when he sees how tired I am he offers to buy dinner, like pizza or McD\'s, also he tells Sarah off when she gets over the top when he\'s around (of course I have to make sure he doesn\'t go too far but he\'s a lot better than he used to be). ..both boys will and that helps when it comes from someone other than me, especially when they call her on a false memory that they KNOW is wrong and it\'s about me...also they will tell me, without her hearing, that she\'s wrong, don\'t worry Mom, etc....it helps
It\'s nice to know the boys are so supportive and helpful. And that Sarah actually responds to their interventions. Too bad they can\'t be around all day, right? Or maybe Andrew can work evenings, while Jeffrey works days, so they can take shifts helping you! ;-) And they can both be there at night when Sarah gets real bad!
How\'s it going increasing that med back up? Does it take a long time to take effect?
I\'m sorry to hear that you\'re still feeling so bad. We Super Moms aren\'t allowed to be sick! I was flattened like that once... My only 1 week break between quarters... KILLER quarters... And I spent every moment of it feeling like I was gonna die. At least I was in nursing school \'cause I could calculate the MAXIMUM dose of pain meds and anti-inflammatories. I was probably 1 mg away from overdosing! I really hope you feel better soon.