Been months

My last journal entry was as my youngest moved out.  It has been almost exactly 6 months and I am no better.  My anxiety is through the roof.  I worry constantly about nothing important.  I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to and I just see no reason to get up in the morning.  No one at my job likes me.  I went to work for a church last summer, but they want more than a job from me.  I am not a church member and I am not that religious.  They said I didn't have to be, but the constant comments about how you don't get to heaven by coming to church once a week, upset me.  I know they aren't referring specifically to me, but it feels like they are unhappy with me.  The job is boring and the people gossipy and mean.  Very disappointed in the people who are supposed to be their for God.

Of course my family doesnt like me either.  Youngest is lying about being sick to get out of coming over. Oldest doesn't even answer texts.  Middle son has been having guy night with my husband when I was at work.  Not working late any more and I am not welcome at guy night.  It was supposed to end when I was done working and son called to say he doesn't want to stop it and I am not invited.  

My only sort of friend who I used to walk with in the mornings is now walking with someone else.  She told me her walking time was too early for me.  We sometimes walked at 7am.  This week I have seen her out twice at 7:30 with someone else.  Guess I got dumped by her and my son.

So what is the point.  Why bother with anything.  I hate my life.  Wish it was over.  Off to the doctor today.  My left arm hardly works anymore.  Brain tumor?  Heart condition?  Maybe will find out, maybe they will just send me home again saying I am getting old.  Life just sucks!