Been lazy

I really need to start journaling again. I went last week to see my mom and it was so hard. She's only 60 but looks much older. She is frail and starting to fall more. She can't even get into bed without help. It's her Parkinson's. I don't know the next time I will get to see her... I don't have a lot of money, and even less with Christmas. I have to pay $100 to my lawyer to settle the lawsuit against me (2 years ago I got a message from Citi that they were suing me for unpaid credit card debt). The lawyers took all my hardship papers (proof of social security, food stamps, medicaid... just a bunch of stuff. I don't know if that means that I still have to pay the $100, but we will see. I have been mood swinging and not feeling real. I took some extra Haldol last night and it helped. I think when I get to the doctor I will get more of it since it seems to help.  I just need to worry about my psych... my insurance doesn't cover her and I don't have an appointment until December 28th. I'm scared I'm going to have to go to the hospital just to get more meds. I really hope not. I have managed to stay healthy and out of the hospital for 3 and a half years now. I don't want to break my streak. I had an okay day yesterday... We went over to Geo's dad's and just felt moody. Now Geo's little brother is here and they are playing video games together while I use the computer in the room. I don't mind... Geo's brother is 13 so he needs a positive role model so I try to give them all the time together to build that bond. Jonathan (Geo's brother) can't use either of his parents for models, so at least he has Geo.