Been drifting
Hi all it has been awhile since I have written and I know that that is not a good thing in the situation that we all are in. I have been feeling exceptionally lonely and distant for a month or so, yea I know it's called depression but I'm in denial! The pull from what I see in my future and what I want are so far apart. The wife has been a lot less abusive and a little responsive since I have quit trying to show any affection. I took my therapist advice and have been getting a track on our expenses and debt. And I saw a lawyer for a divorce consultation, but that has left me feeling very empty inside. I know my wife loves me but she does not want me as a man, husband, companion. And I have a deep guilt about wanting to leave her, because I do lover her but I can't/won't beg for affection ever again. And when I have tried to reach out and she reluctantly responded all of her words over the past 23 years rush through my head and the feeling of closeness was gone. I don't know what to do? I don't want to be alone all my life and getting out of this relationship won't mean that I will ever find anything different. I'm still confused in my heart and my head. Any words of wisdom?
Replies
i hear your pain and anguish. i also hear a man who wants desperately to do the right thing by his wife and marriage... wt, you know i can only share from my own journey what has worked and what has not... apparently this resource our therapist recommended comes from the states... here is the website where you can check out the resource that eventually turned my husband\'s heart toward \"home\"...
http://loveandrespect.com/
feel free to check it out and if you have any other questions i am here to help any time...
may you find the wisdom you need during this difficult time.
I feel for you WT. Wish things were going better for you. I agree with Peace, you seem to be really trying to do the right thing. I\'m alone now, but I\'m finding such peace and relaxation. No more tension. On my drive home from work to home, my stomach would start clinching. Thinking of the drama and heartbreak waiting for me. For me, alone is better. I feel I had to save what was left of my heart. I might find someone to give it to someday, a long way in the future. All the best to you.
Thank You both for the words of comfort, strenght and wisdom. I do want to do what is right in my marrage, but like okiesusie, it is so hard to take the tension of being near while at the same time wanting to be so close. I pray for resolve. Thank you both for being here, supporting me, giving me strength.
oki said so well. I wish u find the peace that u r looking for.
All I can add here is what I learned during MONTHS of therapy to be true -- It takes TWO people to make a marriage...and loving each other is sometimes NOT ENOUGH. When I finally realized that I had been THE ONLY ONE IN THE MARRIAGE for a very long time, that\'s when I called my attorney and filed for divorce. This was 9 long months after my H had left.
Marriage is a partnership and it\'s like a living thing...it needs daily feeding, watering and exercise to keep it alive and healthy. This is something one cannot do all by themself.
Know that I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers.