Been Awhile again

Everything is going alright for now at least. I stopped smoking YAY well sorta i stopped smoking real smokes and bought a electronic one cause its better then the real ones right? My HIV is doing good My back is still bugging me a lot thought and i am still single which sucks.
 
And i feel like who would ever want me now that i have HIV. Being Im like toxic and stuff and just who's going to want someone like me fat ugly and toxic :( it just isnt right the guy that gave this to me is getting married in 3 weeks how fair is that and he had a daughter. UGH!!! not fair yet I'm the one getting punished for it when i trusted someone i was in love with  but oh well i guess
 
im missing my uncle mike and my dog Kasey so much right now they were always here for me when i needed someone and my dog well he was always there for me to lay down and just cry it all out with miss them so much which is making things even harder to deal with anymore. I am so scared I am going to be alone and there's nothing i can do about it. Every one i love and care about is leaving me :( i got my grandparents and my dad left but they cant live forever and it just scares me a lot sometimes to the point i cant handle it.
Then i have people that are telling me there's nothing wrong with you stop being a baby grow up and get over it  and i am like how can they say that there isn't nothing wrong with me they haven't lived my life been threw what i have how the hell do they know wheres their right but maybe they are right i don't really know any more