been a long time

i know its been a long time, getting tangled in the shit which is a so called life. my daughter had alot off therapy which really helped. i guess i'm back cos i'm having a shit time. its like living in intervention land. i get dragged out off my flat and bullied in to going to the doctors with my team off therapist's to ask for more help. the pills are still at 50 mg daily. with added daizapam if and when i need it which seems to be every day. god only knows what is stopping me from killing my self cos right now i want it so bad. i look at my arms, the vains the pumping blood and the need to cut them is over welming. i want love so much it really is killing me. i hope this all ends soon