bedtime
well, its like two thirty in the morning and im wide awake. watching age of ultron, easily the better of the first two avengers movies no matter what anyone says. got me thinking of the existential terror of just, being. ive studied quantam mechanics, there are nothing but probabilities at that level, but here, where the world is on an atomic, a cellular, a molecular level, things are different.
we all exists. not for a reason, not for a purpose, but maybe we can find one. if we are lucky
i thought i had found mine
i thought it was meant to be
apparently it was just a joke.
why don't people understand what you tell them? why do people ignore all the warnings and then get upset?
if you run a stop sign you may get hit by a mack truck, the warning is there, you are aware of it, and if you drive through it it is your fault when you get destroyed by a huge machine.
its a fitting metaphor for my life at the moment. and, now the machine feels like it needs to stop functioning because of the guilt of running over someone who went through the numerous yield, stop and warning signs.
its not fair
its not fair at all.
Replies
You have an awful lot going on Tryna...... Re entering society is so very hard... Your life has been controlled for years and suddenly it's fend for your self...
Most are completely overwhelmed by it even though it's what they want.... It's going to take time to feel the normalcy again and you have other burdens on top of it..... Big hug
I did write on a journal a couple back about Lyrica... It can help phantom pain apparently if that's what you're having?? as it helps nerve pain
I don't know if Melatonin may help with sleep... It's naturally in the body and it's over the counter... It helps a lot of us a great deal
I would be careful with any caffeine intake ... It really does effect people... I won't take it in after 1pm as I have a big problem with sleep as well
If you're able I would see if you can see a psychiatrist to see if he/she could help with what you're dealing with and get you into any groups or therapy if you aren't already
I was looking for prisoners re entering society and there's a lot on google..... Here's one for the US... You could google where you are and they can probably give you some good advise.... again if you haven't already
What I found visiting in prison was the life out of prison became a great fantasy as though once you got out life would be wonderful again.... and it truly is just a fantasy..... As you know life is hard at times really hard but it is worth living
Hang on..... Go back to baby steps..... IF you're having trouble with anger ask your PO if anger management is covered... Get into mindful meditation...
It can get a whole lot better..... Big hug......xo
https://felonyfriendlyjobs.org/re-entry-program-for-felons/
even with my great level of eloquence and my elaborate vocabulary i cannot properly articulate how much your words affect and help me.
Thank you