Beam Me Up

JBsix recently shared her personal insight into death.  Still, I was puzzled by my own reactions to death over the near two years since my husband passed.  We on this group have made jokes about it, cried about it, but it is clear to me that most of us have wanted to join our spouses at one point or another and few of us would call ourselves suicidal.  After reading Jbsix's post I really started thinking about it quite a bit, especially when my mind kept going back to the idea of living in Heaven agan.  So, I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to die.  I'm afraid of dying.  The thought of it chills me.  But being in Heaven is another story.  For me it comes down to I don't want to die.  I don't want to experience dying, I'd just like to be beamed up to Heaven, sort of like in Star Trek.  Christians call it the rapture, but I'm talking about a time before even that happens.  And I think most of us are taking "dying" out of our desire to be with our spouses.  When this all started happening, I felt left behind and just wanted to go there. But I never wanted to die.  Very strange indeed.
 

Replies

yellowrose3
yellowrose3

I agree with you, I think that I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life. All I could think about was wanting to be with John, Didn\'t care how it happened, I wasn\'t even afraid death. all I knew is I was hurting so bad and wanted the pain to end.
There have been so many people here who have helped me to open my eyes. I had a song come into my head the other day from a group I don\'t listen to very often, but John did. The name of the song is \"Breathe\".
I had to stop, breathe and look around me, and Jerri opened my eyes because for the first time I saw my children and grandchildre, not only without their dad, but without me. What kind of hurt would that add to them.
I know that I am still going to have the overwhelming days where I get lost, but I also know that when my time comes I have my John who will be waiting for me. Hugs: Donna
Lininsocal
Lininsocal

In the early days of grief we surely want to join our spouses in the afterlife / in heaven it would relieve our pain. We go through the motions of healing and the thought still crosses our mind. I read some articles regarding being reunited with our loved ones when we die and it isn\'t like what we have with them on earth. Our love will be for the glory and praise of God though we will recognize those loved ones we had on earth, it isn\'t the same. God has a plan for each of us which is to live to our full potential. I miss my husband so much but I must live on holding the memory of him close.
1Patriciann
1Patriciann

I like the \'beam me up\' concept. I would settle for some simple \'sanity\' for now.

((hugs))
:-) Patricia
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ready for the beam me up time....remember though that it\'s easier to die then live. Push on...