BE your child's/a child's ALLY, is the most important thing
Setting too high standards is a form of abuse/child abuse.
Kim Jun-wook apologized and took responsibility for his daughter’s actions. “Everything is my fault and my responsibility. I did not know until now how much my child was suffering and hurting and did not properly take care of her. As her father, I regret having pushed my child into deeper sickness and causing the problem to get bigger,” he said. “Going forward, our family will put everything toward treating and taking care of our daughter and live quietly. Please forgive me for not being able to explain all the details, as we have not yet finished assessing the entire situation.”
Susan Stiffelman, a family therapist and author of Parenting with Presence, says that while this hoax was especially complex, she’s not surprised that a teenager would make up a lie regarding admission in response to parental pressure. “Parents project onto kids their own need for approval,” Stiffelman tells Yahoo Parenting. “The kid becomes the designated representative of the family’s honor and the family’s status, and the kid can’t help but pick up on that. The child’s achievements take on an extra importance because every kid wants to please ...”
To help relieve the pressure on their kids, parents need to change their own expectations, Stiffelman says.
“First, parents need to recognize that they are foisting their own needs and desires on kids — living it through a child or hoping to.
Some parents/parent-figures believe, ‘If I don’t push kids to succeed, then kids won’t succeed (totally WRONG. let them live at their own pace).
If you want to be something, then YOU be that something. Work on yourself.
For parents who have noticed that a kid is struggling with stress, the most important thing is to be an ally. “Come alongside them rather than coming at them,” Stiffelman says. “Say ‘sweetheart, it looks like you are really anxious about this test, or application -- doesn't mean you should get in the way of them testing or applying. they have to live their own life, and you are abusing AGAIN if you are getting in the way. but let them know that you are there and you are on their side. I get the feeling you are really stressed right now, would be a supportive statement. Represent yourself as capable of hearing her truth.”
Whatever you do, don’t ignore.
Kim Jun-wook apologized and took responsibility for his daughter’s actions. “Everything is my fault and my responsibility. I did not know until now how much my child was suffering and hurting and did not properly take care of her. As her father, I regret having pushed my child into deeper sickness and causing the problem to get bigger,” he said. “Going forward, our family will put everything toward treating and taking care of our daughter and live quietly. Please forgive me for not being able to explain all the details, as we have not yet finished assessing the entire situation.”
Susan Stiffelman, a family therapist and author of Parenting with Presence, says that while this hoax was especially complex, she’s not surprised that a teenager would make up a lie regarding admission in response to parental pressure. “Parents project onto kids their own need for approval,” Stiffelman tells Yahoo Parenting. “The kid becomes the designated representative of the family’s honor and the family’s status, and the kid can’t help but pick up on that. The child’s achievements take on an extra importance because every kid wants to please ...”
To help relieve the pressure on their kids, parents need to change their own expectations, Stiffelman says.
“First, parents need to recognize that they are foisting their own needs and desires on kids — living it through a child or hoping to.
Some parents/parent-figures believe, ‘If I don’t push kids to succeed, then kids won’t succeed (totally WRONG. let them live at their own pace).
If you want to be something, then YOU be that something. Work on yourself.
For parents who have noticed that a kid is struggling with stress, the most important thing is to be an ally. “Come alongside them rather than coming at them,” Stiffelman says. “Say ‘sweetheart, it looks like you are really anxious about this test, or application -- doesn't mean you should get in the way of them testing or applying. they have to live their own life, and you are abusing AGAIN if you are getting in the way. but let them know that you are there and you are on their side. I get the feeling you are really stressed right now, would be a supportive statement. Represent yourself as capable of hearing her truth.”
Whatever you do, don’t ignore.
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