Basket Project

Today in group, the psy intern, Gary, had us pick out a basket that was pretty to us.  I liked them all.  However, I found one that I liked a lot.  Then we went into a knick-nack toy room.  We were supposed to fill our basket with whatever we were drawn to, but not to tell anyone to look at anything.  I fill my basket to the brim.  It was even overflowing and very heavy.  Then we went back to the yoga room.  I picked the color chair that I wanted to pick out, blue.  Jeanette wanted the same chair as me, but gave me the chair.  We were supposed to take the stuff out of our baskets and in the sand in the table, construct our pieces into a collage about ourselves.  At the front I had a door opening with a bony hand holding eyes and ears.  This meant that my hurting hand was trying to get people to see and hear all the pain and suffering that I have been going through.  Off to the left, I had the genie from Aladdin and the sister from Lilo and Stitch.  This represented all the fun that I would like to have.  Behind the fun, still off to the left was a drama gold mask with a sad look on the mask.  Behind the mask was a wooden toy horse, a vile of 3 hearts in a red liquid, and a hobo hummel figurine.  This represented the wooden toy horse-the baby that I will never be able to have any more because Jamie doesn't want anymore kids and the doctor wants me to have a shot that will throw me into menopause also all the kids and students that I can not teach anymore right now, the vile of blood with the hearts in it for all the tests that I have had done and how no one could fix my broken heart, and the hobo hummel of my best friend, Elaine, that passed away, and I wish that she was here to comfort me now and make me feel better.  Off to the right of that was an Arizona vase.  In the vase was a red umbrella, a cross hanging off the vase and lake wood resting up against the vase.  The vase represented my grandparents in Arizona, the umbrella was how my grandmother had shelted me from everything when I was in pain, the wood was from upnorth at my grandparents cottage-happy times and also when I was at college at Mundelein College in Chicago, Illinois.  The cross was for the nun that I wanted to be while I was going to college and for the nun that I will never be.  I would like to be close to God right now, but I am having a really difficult time with this because of the cult and my Godmother.  Off to the right of this was the body area.  In this area was a large black hand.  The hand represented all the pain that I have been holding.  In the hand was a dream catcher.  The dream catcher was to ward off all the nightmares that I have been having.  Next to that was a set of teeth with an ear on it-  I wanted people to hear of all the pain that I have been going through.  There was a mummy with all the medicine and the bandages for my pain that I have had to take.  There was a guy with an exposed brain.  The brain shows that all the pain that I had with the mental breakdown.  There was the human body figure that was exposed that shows all the parts in me that hurt.  I wish that people could see through me like this model of all the pain that all my muscles are in.  Behind all of this was a very scary horrible looking creature.  This creature created all my pain with the fall that I had on January 3.  On the creature was an angel.  The angel was trying to tame the creature to take away some of the pain.  On top of both the angel and the creature were a pair of glasses.  I wish the creature could see the pain that it is causing me and stop.  The creature is so much bigger than the angel.  Off to the right of this was a wizard of oz cup- I love the tin man because he can feel no pain.  He felt better once he got a heart.  If my heart was healed, I would feel better like the tin man.  In the tin man cup was a troll doll with fuzzy crazy hair.  My hair feels like it is standing on end when I am frustrated with what is happening.  Off to the right of this is a clear coffin.  I put this in because of the reminder of when I took an overdose of vitamins and this is what caused my pill phobia of medicine.  The coffin is clear because with the new medicine that I am on, I am getting happier and I am not thinking about all the pain and suffering so much anymore.