Balancing the Warrior 10

The meeting with the lawyer went well yesterday. In addition to feeling comfortable being honest and straightforawrd with her, we shared a pleasant array of common interests to provide some stress relief during the hour long conversation. I hired her and left the contractor yaddahs in her hands.

A few hours later she called to tell me she had gotten ahold of the contractor. He promised delivery to her office of the withheld paperwork and claimed a sincere desire to honor the contract. She, too, believed his sincerity enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. Part of our dialog had been about my faith in forgiveness. I believe in forgiveness, but moving the relationship forward is an entirely different conversation. Amends are owed. I reserve the right to guard against recurrance. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. We ended the meeting with the agreement that if the ifs came into alignment for forgiveness, she would mediate and help me guard against the recurrance. Yes, I left her a realistic retainer.

It has been raining enough that the river region is showing its wetland nature. Removing that demolition pile this week is guaranteed to agitate the saturated soils into landscape wrecking mud mixes. The lawyer claimed he was willing to move the pile if I was willing to absolve him of responsibility for landscape damage. My emotional reaction was disappointment that the asshole is still on my plate, but. . . Reminding myself that I believe in forgiveness. . .  Why can't forgiveness be as easy as reciting dogma?

We agreed to let it sit for the weekend. Sorting. . .

The rain is forecast to continue for as long as current forecast technology cares to predict publically. My current inclination is to make mud pies and get that pile gone so that I can be gone in good conscience to feed this aching hole from missing my family. It has been proposed that I need not be present and the trash can be removed while I am in Texas. That is a natural fact and I would have been receptive to it 2 months ago, but. . . Not feeling the trust today. . .

The landscape here was somebody's passion many years ago. I have imagined that passion as a point of contention between the man and wife whose shared passion ended with the husband being shot to death while he slept. Just imagining from neighborhood gossip sources. . . I may research the facts one day. Maybe. Today the landscape shows the marks of long, long neglect. The parts surrounding the old out-building showed the longest neglect in the yard. The pieces I intended to salvage were long gone before the first of the demolition work was done.

Chew, chew. . . Hoping to chew a while with Hubs before I decide. Just hoping on that one. . . His flu is still doing its thing and he went back to work while still under the influence. I never can be sure what he is hiding under his supercape. Still. . . His awareness of the phenom has grown tremendously and he has been wonderful at offering help without smothering me with his snappy cape.