Bah Hum Bug
So I have survived my first Scrooge Christmas. The Grinch stole any chance I ever had of a Christmas. I never got to talk again to either one of my children and I never saw them on Christmas Eve or today Christmas. My son said the other day "Dad is our financial aid, without him we would not have a home with a room to go to! So we can no longer mess around with you." This was said after he tells me he hated the conversation to end. I am totally lost. I must make up my mind once and for all. I do not have children. I refuse to spend another Christmas like this. I refuse to spend another holiday alone waiting for a tidbit to fall from the sky. I love my children, But I must have been blind to what they are really like as people. So now I have irrefutable proof that the X has bought them lock stock and barrel. Unless I can meet a millionaire who will supply me with everything I ever wanted, there isn't a chance in Hell of ever knowing my children again. And when and if they do ever call me, I am not sure I could be the warm loving mother I was for most of their lives. I am afraid they will be too ugly to deal with. I will always love my children. The children I raised, not these things that have taken over my children's bodies. I have the capacity to forgive them and continue to love them, but not if they stay exactly as they are now. In some ways(I am only venting, I don't really want this to be)I think they should never allow divorce if you have children. Just tell the parent that needs to leave that they can only commit suicide to leave. Because under the current methods of divorce one of the parents will suffer bitterly the loss of their children and will wish they are dead, so that is the easiest method. The other parent will be free to live life as they see fit and raise and do with the children whatever they want and won't have to be bothered with an X always bothering them, asking for time with the kids and possibly money. No need for divorce lawyers and paying lip service to equality and justice under the law. There is no justice or equality now. So be honest and forthright. One parent will always win the other will always lose, just shoot the one that loses and put a stop to everything at once. Kids will be better off, X's will be happier. It sounds like a win/win situation to me.
But enough of the venting. Now back to reality. I got the best present I could have ever hoped for!!!!! I got a phone call from GeoQ. She is the very first person I ever corresponded with when I first found DS in November 2010. I was so surprised and thrilled! Maybe next year I can surprise some one I know. We had the best talk, course it was like we have known each other for years. She is just the best friend ever! Other than GeoQ not one single other person called me for Christmas. I called my sister in Texas and my Dad in Arizona. Not much to be said. But at least I called them, my Dad never(and I do mean never!)calls me, hasn't since the divorce. Seems he liked the X. I made my bed now I must sleep in it. Lovely sentiment. So I have decided if there is any chance I can save some money, I am going to go somewhere for Christmas and do something. Not sure what, but I used to like to snow skiing, maybe I can book the holidays at Mammoth Mountain or Tahoe! Or maybe I can find some others like myself who have no one and we can all go somewhere or do something together to get through these yucky days. Next year I will have a tree and presents wrapped even if I just give them to the parakeet! I will enjoy "MY" Christmas. No more waiting around "just in case the kids call" They will never call and I now have my proof. Even if they did call I hope I have enough back bone to tell them I am busy, I have "moved on" as their father so aptly puts it! So I now have some big time New Year's resolution to keep. I know I will still cry about my children, but I am only alienating my friends from me. And since friends are all I have, I need to stop this nonsense and forget my troubles and just "move on". Easier said then done, but I must give it my best shot.
But enough of the venting. Now back to reality. I got the best present I could have ever hoped for!!!!! I got a phone call from GeoQ. She is the very first person I ever corresponded with when I first found DS in November 2010. I was so surprised and thrilled! Maybe next year I can surprise some one I know. We had the best talk, course it was like we have known each other for years. She is just the best friend ever! Other than GeoQ not one single other person called me for Christmas. I called my sister in Texas and my Dad in Arizona. Not much to be said. But at least I called them, my Dad never(and I do mean never!)calls me, hasn't since the divorce. Seems he liked the X. I made my bed now I must sleep in it. Lovely sentiment. So I have decided if there is any chance I can save some money, I am going to go somewhere for Christmas and do something. Not sure what, but I used to like to snow skiing, maybe I can book the holidays at Mammoth Mountain or Tahoe! Or maybe I can find some others like myself who have no one and we can all go somewhere or do something together to get through these yucky days. Next year I will have a tree and presents wrapped even if I just give them to the parakeet! I will enjoy "MY" Christmas. No more waiting around "just in case the kids call" They will never call and I now have my proof. Even if they did call I hope I have enough back bone to tell them I am busy, I have "moved on" as their father so aptly puts it! So I now have some big time New Year's resolution to keep. I know I will still cry about my children, but I am only alienating my friends from me. And since friends are all I have, I need to stop this nonsense and forget my troubles and just "move on". Easier said then done, but I must give it my best shot.
Replies
Moving on is tough. Sometimes we just have to put one foot in front of the other and give it a go.
You are a good person. I believe you can find peace and contentment again in life.
You are so strong. Don\'t give up on your son. It took a lot for him to tell you that and perhaps he\'s telling you he does want you in his life but he is also thinking of his future. Is it rigt? No, but he\'s caught in your ex\'s web just as you still are.
I do hope you get to plan something for next year. For three Christmases I wrapped my own presents and opened them alone on Christmas morning. So I know in some small way how hard that is when there is no family in your life.
You will find peace and good will...You will have that life you want. (((HUGS)))
I agree with Trisha, I also think your son was trying to tell you that for the moment he is having to tow the line with his father while he is reliant on him for financial support. The impression I get is that he would really like to have a relationship with you, but his father has got him hostage at the moment by probably threatening to cut him off from the money source - which is a despicable way to treat a child.
Please don\'t give up on him totally, but I think it is also a good idea for you to make other plans for yourself to have some fun too. You have some great ideas there, so pursue them.
Good for GeoQ - how wonderful to have a friend like that!! I am so pleased that she gave you the gift of her support and friendship this Christmas. More valuable than anything else. Big ((hugs))
I agree with the others--it sounds like the son is between a rock and a hard place. I can well imagine daddy is literally blackmailing him--have anything to do with mom and I cut off the college money. Sounds like your son is trying to keep the window open. I know you\'re hurting, but try to put yourself in your kid\'s shoes for a minute. Their loyalties are totally torn--it is a terrible place to be. I know--I lived it. Just keep talking to your son--just talking. No crying, nothing. Keep the conversation light, just what\'s going on in your life and listening to what\'s going on in his.
And yes, time to rebuild your own life. I admire your courage. Keep moving forward.
Sending hugs!
I think you are coping the best you can considering what you are going through. Writing off your children for now and pretending it will be forever is just that...coping.
Just remember, they are children, they don\'t have a clue nor do they see the big picture. Finish school, get a job and buy a place where they can come visit with room for them to stay. All you can do is extend the invite.