Bad weekend

Day 1! So tired of saying that. My husbands birthday was this weekend and our work schedules are opposite hours and he works 7 days a week right now. This weekend he got off and I took off in a bad way.   started Friday maybe 11 beers but last night what didn't I drink Went to dinner with good friends. This morning im ashame of how much I drank in front of them, I know what they must have thought. I'm killing myself what is my problem am I not committed enough? I feel like I need in patient rehab then I know if I can stick to meetings and get passed the stupid throughts that I can't live without alcohol. Next Saturday going home for Easter and have dinner plans that Saturday with a couple we used to party with, I'm going to be sober! Wow I have to do this. Sucks!