Bad times

Feel myself sliding down that long slippery slope and nothing I do seems to help. Wife is miserable. Money is short. Body won't work right. More pain everyday. Nothing I do seems to help. Had three surgeries in the last year and every time just before going under I prayed for God to call me home. I almost made it the last time. Woke up to find still int-abated. Apparently I stopped breathing but they put me on a vent and I started again. Guess God isn't ready for me yet. Why do I have to endure this physical and mental pain. I just want to go home. I believe in Heaven and just want to go there. Is wanting to die and go home the same as being suicidal? If Heaven is so great why is it wrong to want to go there now? Nothing I do seems to make my wife happy. I have us in debt to the point I can't figure out how to get us out. Now we are having trouble finding home owners insurance. The world is getting so screwed up and this country is going down fast. It seems common sense is long past dead and gone. Just can't find anything worth living for any more. Just waiting for God to call me home.