Bad sleeping night again.
Horrible sleeping night again. Only reason I'm not in a horrible mood is cause in like 10 mins I'm about to go to the doctors. This could be the turning point for me. Over the years I've slowly agnowledged there's problems with me. First I admitted I had anxiety and it seemed like that helped me to the point where I was at least functional. But then my refills got expired and I was to busy to see my PCP. Now I'm going to go back to A) get that anxiety medication refilled and B) open up about the depression and possibly get something for that. It could be the turning point because it tackles 2 issues instead of 1 and if I keep working out, possibly start practicing various stress management and relaxation techniques then I might be the best me and hopefully I'll eventually get back to the me probably about 9 or so years ago.
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Yay! Let me know how the appointment goes.
It went well. I got a refill. I told him I noticed last time it seemed to help with the anxiety right away but didn\'t really with the depression...he said it usually takes over two months for the depression to go away so I think I\'ll go for the time being and see if it starts working for the depression part in a couple months. He\'s actually very caring and sympathetic for me and is quite worried. He wonders if I think that a psychiatrist or psychologist would help. I told him with finances for expenses related to my mom\'s cancer, it may be difficult. I also mentioned to him in the past I\'ve used EAP programs but you only get like 5 or so visits and I don\'t think 5 weeks is long enough.
Additionally, I didn\'t tell him this but I think counselors and psychologists/etc. can be helpful but sometimes to many appointments is too stressful. With how I\'ll be working and going to school, it could actually be more stressful than it\'d be worth it to go it. He did give me a brochure about NAMI which has free mental health classes and such...I might try that since it\'s free.
I can already tell just off of my feelings that the lack of relationships in my life is the biggest contributory towards my boredom and depression. Socialization from going to NAMI classes and a suggestion from my mom might help. My mom suggested going on hikes and other stuff like that with organizations like the Sierra Club.
This part is the harder part for me but I\'d like to overall just meet some friends. Sometimes when you hangout and stuff you do stupid shit and its only fun because you\'re with others. I think waking up when I have nothing to do like this spring break is especially hard because I don\'t have many if any relationships with anyone. I can only fill my day with so much stuff for me to do and this time of year just doesn\'t help either.
Another way I\'m going to help myself with the depression is by trying new things. Traditionally I\'ve hated winter cause it\'s cold and not as nice outside, and the fishing isn\'t as good. I know for sure I\'m getting me a kayak or canoe slightly after Christmas. That should be something new and fun for me to learn how to do. There\'s a river near my house and I plan on using during weekends and when I have time. I\'ll try fishing in it since I\'ll be able to fish spots I previously couldn\'t get to but even if the fishing is still shitty like it probably will be since its winter, I will achieve the feelings of solitude and adventure which make me feel like I\'m supposed to. Additionally I might try getting into snow shoeing or exploring other things to do in the winter. Regardless of whether the building relationships to the point where I can consistently do things with others happens, I\'m not going to allow myself to make excuses for why I didn\'t workout, fish, kayak, hike, etc. If it means that I get B\'s instead of A\'s, so be it. My happiness is more important than memorizing shit that I won\'t remember after very long. TO be honest I\'ll probably still get the good grades. But if I work out or do whatever it will make me be forced to work on homework/etc. at a fast pace instead of going at a snail\'s pace.
Yes, that all sounds great. Get out there, get involved in things, and make some friends. At your age it\'s so important. It gets harder as you get older. A lot of my friends have babies now, so I hardly ever see them. I do feel really lonely sometimes, but at least I have my husband. It will definitely lift your spirits to get out there and make some new friends!