Bad night last night.
Last night I got in a fight with the wife. I get tired of hearing me get put down over me not getting a job and how I'm not getting hired. I can only do what I can do.
My last job I had for 3 weeks as a dock driver. The wrap machine quit working and we had to load a trailer and send it to the warehouse to get wrapped. Since I was the new guy, I was the one to go over to wrap. After the trailers got there and docked, I was told it was on bay 9. I wrapped almost the entire truck before getting a call that I needed to wrap bay 11. I was told by the lead on the floor and the warehouse manager that it was bay 9. Ok so they had to blame someone. Fml.
Before that, I was at that job for almost 5 years. Not getting into that right now because it pisses me off.
I get tired of hearing how I'm not finding work. I get tired of hearing I need to apply at more places. I applied at McDonald's. Thats how fucking desperate I am in finding work. People don't rush here. They take weeks to do anything. I spent my life jumping on things before it's done being said just to be told I'm not fast enough. Now, society takes their sweet fucking time doing anything.
All I get is, we haven't got to looking over things yet or we haven't recived the background check or other things. Everything was so much faster when they did everything by paper. It took 3 days max to get a background done now it takes 2 weeks or more. You'd think computers would be faster.
I'm tired of getting put down even more for no one doing THEIR fucking job. I was so much happier when I had a job. Now I'm living it up living life on vacation not doing a damn thing except what I want to do. I don't get how she thinks that. If I'm doing what I want then I'll be going everywhere doing what I want to do. Not sitting at home all day staring at the fucking wall.
Last night I wanted to put a knife through my arm. I havent been a cutter in 13, 14 years. I just wanted to fucking die and get it over with last night.
Replies
I hope you can get the wife to settle down to the fact that the job market is very hard right now. I know I struggled to find a job. I now work for a temp agency at a couple of auto auctions. I do not know what kind of skills you have but the ability to drive cars comes to almost everyone. I do not know whether there are auctions in your area but it seems they are always looking for drivers....but I saw you are needing $20hr....I did not make that much driving at the auctions.....I just get our areas minimum wage which is $15hr...and it is part time. I am already on SSA retirement income so I have a cushion to pay bills. Hopefully you are able to snap up something and start bringing home a good paycheck....maybe find a cab company they always need drivers....
I have over 10 years experience on a forklift in manufacturing and lumber work. I have ran much other things including skid loader, tractor, industrial mowers the size of a minivan and top dreasers just to name a few.
My last longevity job, i made over $20 hour. Theres plants here hiring but it takes forever. I went through a temp service to get the job I was at for 3 weeks and they don't have anything for me since "I fucked up." I tried another temp service that sounded promising but to find out weeks later, its a 2 week rotation with the temp agency. I need something more permanent. I'm still waiting for the call. At least its something for 2 weeks if they call me.
That’s a rough spot, brother. The job situation alone would wear anyone down, and then getting hit at home on top of it… yeah, that’s a lot.
What you said about last night matters though. When it gets to the point of wanting to hurt yourself, that’s not something to carry alone. If that feeling comes back, please reach out, to someone you trust or even a crisis line. You deserve to get through this, not end it.
You’ve got real skills and a work history, that hasn’t gone anywhere. This is a stretch of bad timing, not the end of your story.
It's always the beginning for me. She's cooled off. Bad day at work and coming home being the only money provider, it just happens. She's really just mad about the situation. Putting me down about it doesn't help. It just makes things harder.
Sounds like both you and the wife are frustrated and blaming each other. I hear a lot of anger within you and within her. The good news is she calmed down and you calmed down. I agree that putting you down doesn't help but neither does putting her down. She has her feelings and you have yours.
Please take care of your mental health and like Bob said, reach out if you feel like harming yourself again.
Stresses build up when we don't have jobs and like you said, we are happier with having purpose in your life. Without purpose, humans often feel depressed. I am wondering what you can do temporarily right now to give yourself some kind of purpose? Could you cook dinner each night, clean the house, all traditional women's roles but it would give you a purpose and feel good. If you wife cooks and cleans, she would have less stress if you do these chores for now without that job. What about finding food banks to help you guys with groceries? So many people where I live are needing food banks and groceries now - so no shame.
My son was just hired one year unemployed. He had a mental health crisis in the beginning. He actually starts in early May. I was very worried about him and his mental health not having a job. He would not do Lyft driving or deliveries and I don't know what he did all day to pass the time. I didn't ask because I knew my own anxiety would feed his depression so I just stayed positive with him. But even my husband, not his dad, was worried about my son. I hope this new job works out for him and I hope you get a real job soon.