Bad night

 Last night after everything that happened I went to absolute pieces... I just cried and cried and cried. It felt like my whole heart just burst from all the pain, it really felt like I was being torn apart. I am sure that for that time, I experienced what others would call hell.
 Even today I feel raw, like I have a massive wound that needs to heal. If I think about it, it feels like it could open again and I really can't fathom that right now.
I have my transfer next week; it’s the only thing that keeps me going. I am hoping against all odds that I may fall pregnant from the FET cycle and I will feel once again a tiny life growing inside of me. 

I long for the day when I will be able to smile again, to feel absolute joy and contentment. I hope that day will be very, very soon.