Bad morning
This morning was really not fun. Baby S did not sleep well last night. She kept rolling off the bed and crying, and when I would move her close to me again, she would cry and roll away again. I had to pee, but I couldn't get up because I knew she would sit up and start really crying and then the night would all be over.
T was depressed last night because of all that needs to be done.
So this morning, when I woke up, it was late, and I forgot to smile at first when T walked into the room. But I did after a second. He seemed really grumpy - except grumpy doesn't seem a strong enough word. So I was silent because we've had conversations about how he needs to just prepare his mind in the morning and if I try to talk to him or help when he's sad in the morning, it makes it worse. So basically I'm not allowed to initiate conversation. He gave me a hug, but I really had to pee, so I cut it short.
A couple minutes later, he was looking for his belt, and I found one. He was whispering even though Baby S was waking up and needed to wake up, so I talked normally, and he seemed offended that I didn't just tell him to talk normally. Maybe I should have. Still no smiles from T.
And he seemed frustrated that a window was open. He'd closed the windows last night, but I'd opened that one, and he didn't realize it and therefore missed it while he was shutting them. So even though it was now a sunny day, he closed the stuipid window. I asked him why he closed it, and he said "It looks like it had been raining." "Had been." Past tense. As in, no longer raining and now sunny, so why shut it, because as soon as you leave I'm going to open it again because the air conditioner is broken and we need to let the air circulate so it doesn't become stifling.
I needed him to open the safe since he has the only key, but I sure as hell wasn't going to ask him to do anything. So since he left without opening it, I still can't get my driver's license. And I'm pretty sure when I remind him of that this evening, he's going to be pissed at himself for not remembering and pissed at me for not reminding him, even though I'm not allowed to initiate conversation due to his stupid f!@#$ing rule. So he needs me not to talk to him in the mornings so he can get his mind ready to have a good day. What the f!#$ about my day?
And when he left, he said something to the effect of "I'm sorry you're having a bad day." First real smile all morning. I told him I thought he was having a bad day, to which he responded that he was just getting his mind ready for work, that this is normal, and that he was just concerned about me. F@#$. If this is normal, does that mean I'm going to have to put up with no smiles and no conversation every single morning for the rest of the foreseeable future? I hate this rule. I hate the "don't talk to me unless I'm talk to you first" rule just so he can get his f!@#ing mind ready for work. I love him, but I'm so pissed off at him right now.
I don't want to work today. I want to curl up in a ball and watch Doctor Who. I want to binge on chips and dip and soda.
SL left for Michigan with her grandparents yesterday. That means that C is here all by herself today, and even if I find work to do, she's going to be coming down here constantly telling me she's bored and sad and lonely and then getting mad when I tell her I have to work and can't help, and then running upstairs crying and/or screaming and slamming doors and generally being very obnoxious. I do not want to deal with her today.
And today is company lunch in Mississippi, and since I'm in Tennessee, I'm not there. Being here is great (I tell myself), but I miss people. I want to just get into the car and go get myself some lunch today, but because C is home, I'd have to take her with me. I don't want to. I'm so selfish.
Can we just cancel today? All of it? :(
T was depressed last night because of all that needs to be done.
So this morning, when I woke up, it was late, and I forgot to smile at first when T walked into the room. But I did after a second. He seemed really grumpy - except grumpy doesn't seem a strong enough word. So I was silent because we've had conversations about how he needs to just prepare his mind in the morning and if I try to talk to him or help when he's sad in the morning, it makes it worse. So basically I'm not allowed to initiate conversation. He gave me a hug, but I really had to pee, so I cut it short.
A couple minutes later, he was looking for his belt, and I found one. He was whispering even though Baby S was waking up and needed to wake up, so I talked normally, and he seemed offended that I didn't just tell him to talk normally. Maybe I should have. Still no smiles from T.
And he seemed frustrated that a window was open. He'd closed the windows last night, but I'd opened that one, and he didn't realize it and therefore missed it while he was shutting them. So even though it was now a sunny day, he closed the stuipid window. I asked him why he closed it, and he said "It looks like it had been raining." "Had been." Past tense. As in, no longer raining and now sunny, so why shut it, because as soon as you leave I'm going to open it again because the air conditioner is broken and we need to let the air circulate so it doesn't become stifling.
I needed him to open the safe since he has the only key, but I sure as hell wasn't going to ask him to do anything. So since he left without opening it, I still can't get my driver's license. And I'm pretty sure when I remind him of that this evening, he's going to be pissed at himself for not remembering and pissed at me for not reminding him, even though I'm not allowed to initiate conversation due to his stupid f!@#$ing rule. So he needs me not to talk to him in the mornings so he can get his mind ready to have a good day. What the f!#$ about my day?
And when he left, he said something to the effect of "I'm sorry you're having a bad day." First real smile all morning. I told him I thought he was having a bad day, to which he responded that he was just getting his mind ready for work, that this is normal, and that he was just concerned about me. F@#$. If this is normal, does that mean I'm going to have to put up with no smiles and no conversation every single morning for the rest of the foreseeable future? I hate this rule. I hate the "don't talk to me unless I'm talk to you first" rule just so he can get his f!@#ing mind ready for work. I love him, but I'm so pissed off at him right now.
I don't want to work today. I want to curl up in a ball and watch Doctor Who. I want to binge on chips and dip and soda.
SL left for Michigan with her grandparents yesterday. That means that C is here all by herself today, and even if I find work to do, she's going to be coming down here constantly telling me she's bored and sad and lonely and then getting mad when I tell her I have to work and can't help, and then running upstairs crying and/or screaming and slamming doors and generally being very obnoxious. I do not want to deal with her today.
And today is company lunch in Mississippi, and since I'm in Tennessee, I'm not there. Being here is great (I tell myself), but I miss people. I want to just get into the car and go get myself some lunch today, but because C is home, I'd have to take her with me. I don't want to. I'm so selfish.
Can we just cancel today? All of it? :(
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