Bad day? No. Bad night? Yes.
So tomorrow I’ll have a new dog and that means new goals. I want to start walking every morning. I’ll have to search around and see if I can find my Pokemon pedometer. Also I’ll get some earphones and play my ipod nano.
Tonight has been kind of rough. Another night mum and I had a conflict. I admit I did the wrong thing. She was on the phone and I was hovering. I didn’t mean to. Sometimes I just do things without thinking. Mum’s on the phone a lot. Phone call after phone call, so it’s really hard to get to talk to her. So I’d done the washing up and I just wanted to talk. I can’t even remember about what or if there was an actual topic. Sometimes I just need that human communication. The more I’m around people the more I forget how to cope without it. I’m not a needy person. I just need human contact sometimes. So I went into her room and waited for her to finish but she didn’t so I eventually made my way back to the kitchen where she was getting a glass, and I told her that she already had a glass in her room and that’s when she told me to f*** off. I admit I did the wrong thing, but was that really necessary? Sometimes I wish she could be in my position one time and have me swear at her. I mean how would she feel? You feel degraded as a person.
And that’s when all the bad thoughts intrude. Things like maybe no one likes me. Maybe they just put up with me because they have to. My brother prefers my stepsister over me, and it’s just really really hard sometimes. I’m not a role model, someone to look up to. I’m just this annoying utter disappointment.
Admittedly I’m going to try and change I’m just not sure if it’s possible after all this time.
Tonight has been kind of rough. Another night mum and I had a conflict. I admit I did the wrong thing. She was on the phone and I was hovering. I didn’t mean to. Sometimes I just do things without thinking. Mum’s on the phone a lot. Phone call after phone call, so it’s really hard to get to talk to her. So I’d done the washing up and I just wanted to talk. I can’t even remember about what or if there was an actual topic. Sometimes I just need that human communication. The more I’m around people the more I forget how to cope without it. I’m not a needy person. I just need human contact sometimes. So I went into her room and waited for her to finish but she didn’t so I eventually made my way back to the kitchen where she was getting a glass, and I told her that she already had a glass in her room and that’s when she told me to f*** off. I admit I did the wrong thing, but was that really necessary? Sometimes I wish she could be in my position one time and have me swear at her. I mean how would she feel? You feel degraded as a person.
And that’s when all the bad thoughts intrude. Things like maybe no one likes me. Maybe they just put up with me because they have to. My brother prefers my stepsister over me, and it’s just really really hard sometimes. I’m not a role model, someone to look up to. I’m just this annoying utter disappointment.
Admittedly I’m going to try and change I’m just not sure if it’s possible after all this time.
Replies
I am so sorry you had to deal with all of this, You were trying to help your mom and been nice. Please always remember you are a good person and a kind one as well. It is not nice when someone swears at others, it can really hurt that person. So I understand how you feel about this. It was ok to say had a glass in her bedroom and to remind her about it. You did the right thing there. Don\'t blame yourself for this, you are a good person and always remember that. If you need a friend to chat I will be here for you. Hugs xx
I know what you mean by negative thinking, I got stuck in a bit of a rut this afternoon. Dad had said something to me over the phone this morning and I\'d ruminated the whole afternoon. You\'re not alone, believe me but try not to let these things get to you. I think we need to buoy each other up at times like this.