Bad day again

Today was another bad day. It's not hard that I struggle everyday with my size. I'm 5ft and 298 pounds..ok 300 lbs. I feel like I should just kill myself. I don't care how many people tell me I'm beautiful I can't see it. All I can see is a really big fat woman. I try to exercise but I'm so tired all the time from work. And it doesn't make any matters better when my father 24/7 constantly has to call me fat and nasty. And make comments about what food I'm eating and how much I eat. It hurts me very bad..the one person who's supposed to always be your protector is the #1 enemy. The fat shaming gets so bad. I'm so confused and so lost.