Bad Day

I'm not having a very good day today. My patience is thin and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Everything is irritating me and I have pms until next week.

I took off half a day for my annual doc check up to make sure I don't have cancer and whatnot. They called this morning and had my insurance screwed up again. So now I'm stressed about how much today's visit will cost.

I also have been going to my old chiropractor again and finally doing some phys therapy and massage for my injured shoulder which I have been trying to bear for two years now. Now the swelling is moving out but for some reason my left hand is killing me so I'm in horrible pain today, adding to my irritability. I use aspercream and take Ibuprofen and use heat and ice packs. I still hurt.

I'm sick of never feeling good and never having time to myself. I feel guilty if I sleep too much or spend money on myself. I bought myself some cheap sandals yesterday and I feel like a horrible person, even tho I needed the shoes.

Today I am strongly considering renewing my gym membership. Again I feel guilty. I am so sick of never having any money because I am tied down with my mom and my bf is barely a step above deadbeat. I just want so badly to have my own life and do things I enjoy instead of being a drained servant to these two adult children that I don't want.

My mom and I almost got in a fight today, we were arguing again. She started her usual hateful shit yesterday, so I tried to ignore her but then she had tried to cook when I got home from work. She was trying to help but she can't cook anymore. Everything was burnt and rock hard and dripping grease. I am not a picky eater but I couldn't even eat this. I didn't know a nice thing to say so after I forced down a few bites I said mom I'm sorry but this is impossible to eat, and I don't think you should be allowed to cook anymore.

I mean I make the least out of everyone in my household but I have the best job. Go figure. I buy most of the food and pay all the utilities plus my personal bills. My mom constantly wastes food and electricity. Not to mention horrible personality. This morning she started her usual complaining about her ailments, saying she just wants to die, etc. I have had to put up with my mom bitching and sitting around waiting to die ever since I can remember. As usual I tell her then get a dif doc. She makes excuses. I say then give me your insurance info so I can find a dif doc. No.

I can't deal with this on top of being financially strapped all the time because my bf is drowning in debt and getting his wages garnished. He lives with us too. Makes the bills higher, eats us out of house and home. I complain to him all the time but he is so immature he doesn't know how to help much. He can't cook. He only works 4 days a week and spends the other three laying around drunk while I am at work or getting high with some losers.

Why can't I escape this hell I have made for myself? If I ditch him then I am still trapped with my mom until she dies. If I make him get another job and we move then I'm still stuck with him and his money issues and bringing trouble and bad ppl into our lives. I need help so bad I am overwhelmed with the amount of work there is at home. I have a really good job but still I am bled dry.

I have to put my health first. I just wish I could be happy.