Bad...bad day

Hi Honey,
Today was one of the hardest in a long time.  I think I'm at the bottom of the roller coaster but hopefully tomorrow I'll start on the way up again.
Mike took me to the cemetery today so see your headstone.  They put it in last Thursday but I knew it would be hard so I wanted to wait until the little ones were gone.  I was right in a way, it was hard but much, much harder than I expected.  I held it together for awhile when Mike took me to breakfast but came home and totally lost it.  He was having a hard time with it too so I felt I needed to be strong and not let him see me break down.  Tonight is proving to be just as bad.  I feel like I'm back at square one but the feelings are so much stronger and raw than they were in the beginning.  I just want to find some kind of peace within myself.  I'm so tired to crying and being depressed.  I miss you so much.
I hope and pray tomorrow is better and I can find my comfort zone knowing you're at peace.  I know I've got so much to be thankful, I just need to start reminding myself of that and focus on what we had.