Bad Day
I've had such a horrible day at home today. I ploughed through all my meals though despite dinner being a disaster and a hard one anyway, but tonight I just can't face the last snack, it's too much after all that has gone on today.I said in my last entry that there are a lot of things to cope with. Well for people who read my journals before, you'll know my Mum's bf moved in. It's been....ok up till now. Now the 'honeymoon' period has ended there are problems going on ALL THE TIME!!! It's so stressful and he is so stressful! He's got such a quick temper on him and he flies off into these rants/rages (not at my Mum but she ends up upset anyway because he's upset). It's just too much to cope with and I there is nothing I can do about it.As well as just dealing with him I'm getting no time to spend with Mum anymore. My brother is finishing his nursing degree and will me moving out towards the end of the year and I just feel so alone. He's doing placements at the moment so he's never here, and when he is, he's usually sleeping after 12 hour shifts. Whenever the bf is home, Mum is with him all the time...or should I say, he is with her...like, perminantly! He's become so dependent on her and I don't think she sees it, or she does but just thinks it'll pass when he gets more confident. I'm not so sure. It's not been as bad because he's been working late shifts so he leaves for work at 1pm so they have the morning together and gets home about 10pm and have the nights together. That meant that Mum had the afternoon to get things done around the house etc and then in the evenings if I wanted to I would go and sit downstairs and either watch tv or take something down to do. But he wasn't happy with it and said he wanted evenings to spend with Mum as well and so he's changed to day shifts starting Monday which means he's home by 3pm!!!She knows how upset I am over this though and she knows why because when she told me I broke down in tears.At the weekend, Mum decided it would be a great time to tell me (after months of 'getting to know' him) that he has a baby girl too!! Not only that, but that he's going to start bringing her here to build a relationship with her and Mum...and me too apparently.So all this is going on and I'm expected to try and do this food stuff too. Today was really bad in particular though because after all the talking and reassuring my Mum has done and saying that yes she'll help me by making sure she supervise me in the kitchen and to just prompt me at meal times...on just the 3rd day, my fears are proved right!! At dinner, she was with him sitting in the garden having a drink when it was time for me to start cooking. She comes into the kitchen, literally quickly lists everything I have to do as in "take these and put them in a pan with 4 tbsp of water and put them in the microwave for a couple of minutes, if they're not done do them again for a minute at a time till they're cooked then you can put this in for 6 minutes....." etc etc. She looks at me and runs through it again after I start panicking and then says "alright? You know where I am, Ok?" in a tone you can't really say no to, and then goes back out in the garden. Not only that...but after a full 6 minutes...I find out as I open the microwave that she's given me the wrong time to cook the things and they're burnt!! Which WOULDN'T have happened if she was supervising like she SAID she would!As for Evening snack, well... they both had several drinks earlier because of the 'stress' they've had today dealing with this car buisness and fallen asleep because I haven't seen them since 7pm and it's now... gone midnight. So tonight...I've been forgotten too.
Replies
I hope you don\'t take this the wrong way, hon but when I read your entry the person who is codependent on your Mom is you. You can\'t expect her to neglect her relationship with her bf for you. Yes you are sick and her daughter, but you are also an adult and responsible for yourself. So it\'s actually a priviledge that you are still living at home and that she spends some time with you. Your health is not the hospital\'s or your Mom\'s job, it\'s yours. Everybody else can only support you so much but not do the actual work. And by the way I think for day 3 you have done a fantastic job and I hope you will get in that snack before you go to bed. You can\'t blame not eating snack on Mom not reminding you, especially since you remember quite well and know that you need the nutrition. Please don\'t take that the wrong way. I really admire what you are doing and I know that you need your Mom\'s help but she shouldn\'t have to be around you 24/7.
I know, I don\'t take offense because I realised this as I was writing it, it just helps to vent the feelings even if I know they\'re not logical. I didn\'t manage my snack last night but I\'m going to make it up today hopefully. I\'m back on track with my diet plan.
I\'m so proud of you. Awesome work to keep on going and don\'t make too much of the missed snack. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Let\'s get better together.