Backstory
Early background: My ex and I were married 11 years and divorced when our daughter was 3 because he is an alcoholic/drug addict and was having an affair with a 19 yr. old (he was 36). He had regular visitation with our daughter for about 2 years but was on his way to rock bottom when he moved out of state and only had occasional contact with her by phone. His routine was to work as a car salesman for a few months, binge drink/drug until he was almost dead, then admit himself to a hospital for detox and rehab for 30 days. Repeat and repeat again and again. I remarried when my daughter was almost 6 and we're still married. Rocky relationship with my husband and daughter through the years because I believe she resented him for being there when her father was not. Daughter was straight A student and an athlete until she became ill during her sophomore year in high school. After many doctors, hospital stays, and pain medications, she was diagnosed 11 months after she first became sick. My Ex did not visit her once during this time. She became addicted to the pain medications and moved on to street drugs, had serious wreck, and I put her in the first of three rehabs the first week of her senior year of high school. Still no visit from my Ex except for coming drunk to her high school graduation. After she became clean and sober, she started reconciliation with her father and began seeing him occasionally and talking to him regularly. He agreed to come to her wedding but the morning of, he called to let her know that he was too drunk to come. He did manage to be sober at her RN pinning ceremony.
Recent background: Ex owes me over $100k judgment for back child support. He has been in and out of rehab at least 20 times in the last 25 years. He's supposedly sober for several years now and finally got a job as an over-the-road trucker after being unemployed and taken care of by his family for many years. Ex's parents had family farm trust of which his brother is trustee. Parents are now deceased and Ex receives interest only dividends once a year. I filed for contempt to collect from his wages and trust dividends. Ex was ordered to pay me monthly amount plus any amounts received from trust and to provide trust docs annually as proof I was receiving correct amount from trust. Daughter was very angry that I took Ex to court. She said she was afraid it would make him start drinking again. Daughter is a recovering addict, clean and sober 6 years, very intelligent, married for 4 years, working full time as an RN and going to school full time. She knows better than anyone that nothing MAKES a person drink except that person. Although I told her time and again that I was not trying to collect from the trust principal (which will eventually be inherited by her), she refused to believe me and instead believed my Ex who told her that I was selfish and trying to get all her money. She eventually calmed down and we were on good terms again. Then my Ex refused to give me the trust documents they were ordered to provide so I filed another contempt motion. Then all hell broke loose with my daughter.
Texts with Daughter (“D”) (names changed).
6/7/15D: You lied to me and said you were done with court stuff but you’re obviously not. I’m mad and don’t really want to talk to you.Me: This is nothing new. As always, they (ex-husband and his brother John, trustee for their family trust) refuse to comply with the court’s order. If they would do what they’re supposed to, I would be done. Just once, it would be nice if you didn’t jump to conclusions and make me out to be the bad guy. Maybe someday.D: You’re always the victim. Instead of being able to help and pay for my school he has to pay attorney fees! But feel free to explain how this is different from you getting a monthly payment?Me: I repeat: if they would do what they’re supposed to do, there would be no more attorney fees.D: Are you not getting money each month?Me: Yes.D: All I need to know then. You want the interest that is usually reinvested. I guess robbing Mary (mother-in-law who lives with husband and me) isn’t enough for you two so why not take away from my future huh?Me: You don’t know what you’re talking about.D: Feel free to enlighten me then.Me: They’re supposed to provide accounting DOCUMENTS ... nothing to do with interest or money or your “future.” Not enough for you to inherit millions I guess (son-in-law’s family wealth). You just hate the thought of me getting paid the child support “the world’s best father” owes. I’m really tired of defending myself to you. I don’t owe you any explanations for anything I do. Think whatever you want – you’ll always assume the worst.D: WHY do you need those documents if you’re getting money each month?? D: Waiting.Me: Court ordered it so I can make sure Dick’s (ex-husband) yearly payment from the trust goes to me toward the judgment. Do you think I trust any of them, especially John? !!!D: Exactly!! The yearly payment that he has been putting back into it! I trust John a hell of a lot more than I trust your husband! And neither of which will be around my child! You’ll wish you hadn’t done all of this and kept pushing it all when I’m pushing out a baby without you there. I’ve warned you for two years. I’m done.Me: Amazingly, according to their testimony, he was, for a time, paying back what he owed the trust for all the money they advanced him while he decided he didn’t have to work. If the yearly money he receives is going back in, then those accounting documents should reflect that.D: Yeah I’ve seen proof from when he was charging money at the grocery store and they would deduct it! Put all of this effort into getting Jim (my husband) a job and putting his sorry ass to work. Get him a job other than overcharging his mother to wipe her ass.Me: Real nice. Blackmail me to stop upsetting your Daddy by threats that I won’t see my grandchild.D: I’ve warned you multiple times...don’t act like it’s new to you.
Me: Warned, threatened, now blackmail. Not new, just still amazed by your audacity. Turning my phone off now before I get any angrier.D: Yes that’s usually the sequence. Warn, threaten, then enforcing what you warned and threatened.6/12/15Me: Did you really “unfriend” me on Facebook?!!?D: I thought I blocked you.Me On your phone or Facebook?D: Facebook.Me: So you can post things about me and I can’t see it? You’ve never had a problem before with me knowing the hateful things you say about me. Did you login to my account and delete yourself as my daughter?D: Oh my god no! I don’t post things whining about my life and I have no desire to login to your account. Deleting you apparently automatically did it. I told you I’m done.6/23/15Me: Would appreciate a text once in a while just to let me know you’re ok.7/3/15Me: [Mailed card congratulating Daughter on being clean and sober for 5 years and enclosed letter telling her how proud of her I was and how much I have always loved her. Also reminded her that I had been the parent with her while she grew up, good times and bad, including through her year-long illness, addiction years, arrests, and rehabs, and how much it hurts me when she treats me like this.]D: FYI it’s six years...not five.Me: Sorry. My calendar had 2010. Glad you got my card. Nothing else to say? I got the year wrong but the sentiment is right – very proud of how strong you are.7/8/15Me: FYI – we’re going out of town. Be back Saturday night. Love you.7/12/15Me: Jane (my sister) is having hip replacement Wednesday. I’m sure she’d appreciate a good luck call from you today or tomorrow. Miss talking to you.D: You filed another contempt of court.Me: Sure would be easier if he’d do what the court ordered.7/20/15Me: Hope you’re doing ok. Think about you and miss you a lot.7/25/15Me: [My niece told me that she saw on Facebook that Daughter had eye surgery. I left voice mail message telling her that and asking if everything was okay with her eyes.]D: Angie (my niece) “liked” a picture from April. I didn’t have surgery again. Going back to sleep.Me: Thanks for letting me know.
And that's the way it is -- my new normal. I hope that after the court matters finish, we might be able to have some communication again. I'm worried that we won't ever be able to get past all this. I'm worried that I no longer love her the same way after all this. Whew...that last sentence was hard to write!
Recent background: Ex owes me over $100k judgment for back child support. He has been in and out of rehab at least 20 times in the last 25 years. He's supposedly sober for several years now and finally got a job as an over-the-road trucker after being unemployed and taken care of by his family for many years. Ex's parents had family farm trust of which his brother is trustee. Parents are now deceased and Ex receives interest only dividends once a year. I filed for contempt to collect from his wages and trust dividends. Ex was ordered to pay me monthly amount plus any amounts received from trust and to provide trust docs annually as proof I was receiving correct amount from trust. Daughter was very angry that I took Ex to court. She said she was afraid it would make him start drinking again. Daughter is a recovering addict, clean and sober 6 years, very intelligent, married for 4 years, working full time as an RN and going to school full time. She knows better than anyone that nothing MAKES a person drink except that person. Although I told her time and again that I was not trying to collect from the trust principal (which will eventually be inherited by her), she refused to believe me and instead believed my Ex who told her that I was selfish and trying to get all her money. She eventually calmed down and we were on good terms again. Then my Ex refused to give me the trust documents they were ordered to provide so I filed another contempt motion. Then all hell broke loose with my daughter.
Texts with Daughter (“D”) (names changed).
6/7/15D: You lied to me and said you were done with court stuff but you’re obviously not. I’m mad and don’t really want to talk to you.Me: This is nothing new. As always, they (ex-husband and his brother John, trustee for their family trust) refuse to comply with the court’s order. If they would do what they’re supposed to, I would be done. Just once, it would be nice if you didn’t jump to conclusions and make me out to be the bad guy. Maybe someday.D: You’re always the victim. Instead of being able to help and pay for my school he has to pay attorney fees! But feel free to explain how this is different from you getting a monthly payment?Me: I repeat: if they would do what they’re supposed to do, there would be no more attorney fees.D: Are you not getting money each month?Me: Yes.D: All I need to know then. You want the interest that is usually reinvested. I guess robbing Mary (mother-in-law who lives with husband and me) isn’t enough for you two so why not take away from my future huh?Me: You don’t know what you’re talking about.D: Feel free to enlighten me then.Me: They’re supposed to provide accounting DOCUMENTS ... nothing to do with interest or money or your “future.” Not enough for you to inherit millions I guess (son-in-law’s family wealth). You just hate the thought of me getting paid the child support “the world’s best father” owes. I’m really tired of defending myself to you. I don’t owe you any explanations for anything I do. Think whatever you want – you’ll always assume the worst.D: WHY do you need those documents if you’re getting money each month?? D: Waiting.Me: Court ordered it so I can make sure Dick’s (ex-husband) yearly payment from the trust goes to me toward the judgment. Do you think I trust any of them, especially John? !!!D: Exactly!! The yearly payment that he has been putting back into it! I trust John a hell of a lot more than I trust your husband! And neither of which will be around my child! You’ll wish you hadn’t done all of this and kept pushing it all when I’m pushing out a baby without you there. I’ve warned you for two years. I’m done.Me: Amazingly, according to their testimony, he was, for a time, paying back what he owed the trust for all the money they advanced him while he decided he didn’t have to work. If the yearly money he receives is going back in, then those accounting documents should reflect that.D: Yeah I’ve seen proof from when he was charging money at the grocery store and they would deduct it! Put all of this effort into getting Jim (my husband) a job and putting his sorry ass to work. Get him a job other than overcharging his mother to wipe her ass.Me: Real nice. Blackmail me to stop upsetting your Daddy by threats that I won’t see my grandchild.D: I’ve warned you multiple times...don’t act like it’s new to you.
Me: Warned, threatened, now blackmail. Not new, just still amazed by your audacity. Turning my phone off now before I get any angrier.D: Yes that’s usually the sequence. Warn, threaten, then enforcing what you warned and threatened.6/12/15Me: Did you really “unfriend” me on Facebook?!!?D: I thought I blocked you.Me On your phone or Facebook?D: Facebook.Me: So you can post things about me and I can’t see it? You’ve never had a problem before with me knowing the hateful things you say about me. Did you login to my account and delete yourself as my daughter?D: Oh my god no! I don’t post things whining about my life and I have no desire to login to your account. Deleting you apparently automatically did it. I told you I’m done.6/23/15Me: Would appreciate a text once in a while just to let me know you’re ok.7/3/15Me: [Mailed card congratulating Daughter on being clean and sober for 5 years and enclosed letter telling her how proud of her I was and how much I have always loved her. Also reminded her that I had been the parent with her while she grew up, good times and bad, including through her year-long illness, addiction years, arrests, and rehabs, and how much it hurts me when she treats me like this.]D: FYI it’s six years...not five.Me: Sorry. My calendar had 2010. Glad you got my card. Nothing else to say? I got the year wrong but the sentiment is right – very proud of how strong you are.7/8/15Me: FYI – we’re going out of town. Be back Saturday night. Love you.7/12/15Me: Jane (my sister) is having hip replacement Wednesday. I’m sure she’d appreciate a good luck call from you today or tomorrow. Miss talking to you.D: You filed another contempt of court.Me: Sure would be easier if he’d do what the court ordered.7/20/15Me: Hope you’re doing ok. Think about you and miss you a lot.7/25/15Me: [My niece told me that she saw on Facebook that Daughter had eye surgery. I left voice mail message telling her that and asking if everything was okay with her eyes.]D: Angie (my niece) “liked” a picture from April. I didn’t have surgery again. Going back to sleep.Me: Thanks for letting me know.
And that's the way it is -- my new normal. I hope that after the court matters finish, we might be able to have some communication again. I'm worried that we won't ever be able to get past all this. I'm worried that I no longer love her the same way after all this. Whew...that last sentence was hard to write!
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