Backbiting
Where is that line between being honest and open about my feelings and plain ol' petty backbiting?
GS has a four day weekend from kindergarten next weekend. Over the course of trying to discover if the GKs could visit for the 4-day weekend, we discovered that the CPS case moved ahead without our knowlege. The other grandparents are now the official foster parents. The discovery stirred many deeper anxieties and the meaner observations are nipping from down under in some genuinely mean nips and tears. I wish it was a new occurrence. It's not. Cruel sarcasm and name-calling is one of my entirely too many psycho nag flags. Unleashed, my kiddie whorehouse conditioned tongue really can send bars full of horny Marines running for the safety of their preachers.
I s'pose the cruel sarcasm and name-calling are where I look to find that line between open honesty and petty backbiting. Hard facts are hard enough without the mean tones and words. When I can say ^it^ with gentle tolerance and compassion, I am on the road to healing hopes. At least, that is my current theory. Proof unavailable.
This little update came from YS. We already knew that he currently has no authority over his children, but we muchly want him to be in the loop and we had not heard from him since he asked for help moving his wife's hoard piles to the storage unit on their eviction from the apartment. Am I relieved that he and his wife are still together in a weekly rental unit? Well? ? ? These two might be a case of divorce being better for everybody involved, but I am relieved to hear that CPS has forbid her living with her parents, cooking up new and improved ex maneuvers and welfare schemes to add to their hoard piles.
We still haven't approached the other grandparents about the 4 day weekend. My anxieties worry that now that the 3 GKs are contributing to the household income with foster care checks and benefits, they will be turning mean in defense of that income. Their morbidly obese lifestyle is entirely supported by public assistence. They are quite experienced and skilled at working that system. Far more so than Hubs, son or I even want to be. We are braced for the cultural tradition of fathers and paternal grandparents being cut from the child care loop in cases of family dysfunction.
Nothing like a bit of doom prophecy to set the tone for a sequence of events. . .
Hubs and I are still highly anxious over the prospect of calling the other grandparents to inquire about the four day weekend. I feel ready to *just* accept that my GKs are beyond my reach and that the morbidly obese welfare life is *simply* their destiny. A more rational voice reminds me that they have been reasonably easy to coordinate with during this ordeal. The resident adult children have been good about stepping in when the tensions between the grandparents was running high. Hubs handled the winter vacation pick up and delivery. He was quite relieved that the middle-aged daughter and son handled those proceedings instead of the other grandparents. He sang praises of her handling of ^it^.
Venting. . . Sorting. . . Stepping small and praying big.
Replies
Big hug for you sweetie..... Looking at it another way perhaps they would really enjoy a break from the kids and that won't effect the money that they're receiving for childcare right?
I would try and keep it light and breezy when asking if the kids can visit for a couple of days.... I hope that they can Arf….. I can't imagine how painful and difficult this must be.... Another hug and a blessing....xo
hummm stinky fish smell with cps doing this without contacting 'the other set of grandparents'...very stinky! There is the possibility of an avenue that I took with John when I went to the court for sole legal custody due the to the absence of the father.
Guardian in the best interests of the child...here is a link for the St of CT...and idea? to stay in the loop...cps would Have To Contact You with any changes due to "the best interests of the child". You Don't have to be an attorney, just petition the could to become a guardian...hope this will give some ideas to shove down the throats of the stinky cps people.
The court appointed a Guardian Ad Litm to make sure John's Best Interests were being met by me...doctors, schools, interviews with GAL. Guess I did a good job being my own legal representative, his father had a lawyer...in the end I got sole custody, his father got a lawyer's bill and had to Foot The Whole GAD Bill close to the tune of $1,000....oh for got, I had to go to a parental class...he didn't....
https://www.bing.com/search?q=guardian+ad+litem+definition&form=EDGEAR&qs=
AS&cvid=694b390f0a5d411ea09b897663f4f518&cc=US&setlang=en-US
After this process...John was 2 and I started to get ''child support'' up to that point, none...had to get a dna test to prove father was son to John....What A Pain...but getting child support was So Needed....father still won, as social security footed the bill...nothing coming out of His Pocket...totally fucked up...no other way to address that situation! Same as cps going behind your back??? Fucked Up! Chomping at the bit here for you!!
https://www.bing.com/search?q=ct+guardianship+process&form=EDGTCT&qs=AS&cvid=2002a467ad37411cb868387f08a8fa29&refig=558f8222dfb34068be09337a85d20e73&cc=US&setlang=en-US
For now, Hubs and I are *just* working through our personal anxieties about calling the other grandparents and leaving the legal maneuvers to YS. We're just the paternal grandparents and both parents are being treated equally by the family court mandates. Neither parent has more rights or leverage than the other. The price of attempting to keep their marriage together, I s'pose.
The anxiety remains over the other grandparent's pride in their prowess in "working the system," but allot of that is conjecture on our part. The larger fact remains that we do not know them very well. I suspect our exposure to our co-grandparents is way above the 21st century average. An equal suspicion is that the exposure is no less awkward for them than it is for us.
The CPS involvement has been confusing for all. The case fell in between the file stacks of over-worked caseworkers and shuffled between desks often enough that nobody really knows who and what is going on with it. The presence of two sets of grandparents who care deeply about the welfare of the children really does make our case far less urgent than a heartbreaking number of cases that pass through our family courts. For sure, our physical location is a major factor. Our farm is a 3 hour drive from the boom city where all this action is taking place.
YS gave us the updated contact info for the CPS caseworker. We are still chewing on whether to contact the new caseworker before we contact the other grandparents. It would be nice to keep it closer to the spirit of giving the other grandparents a break from the unplanned burden of raising another family and the GKs a sense of continuity. Ex family politics suck in our view. We are not ignorant. We are igNORant, as in, ignoring those politics on purpose. There's gotta be a better way.
I Really Like your ig-No-Rant as a way to address the 'sticky' situations with all parties. My own personal ig-no-rant stopped when dear son's father Refused to pay child support…saying "if I give you $25.00 a week...next week you'll be asking for $50.00"...hence the need for legalities to take place. Hoping the two of you..hubby and you...will have some poetic justice in dealing with the 'legalities'.
My Dear Brother, a public defender at the time, said "are you nuts going up against an attorney"...nope.
Perhaps created by you some beautiful music, and hubby some beautiful poetry, an answer will come...
hugs until then~~for all's best interests
Interesting modification, ML.
Congrats on your success in court.