Back to work soon
I'm writing this due to I have to go back to work in two weeks after being off for 13 weeks. Im not ready to go back. I work in a large building and I have been there for over 8 years so I know a lot of people. Im just not ready to see the people stare and whisper because they know Im that person the only person out of all the women at work that lost there child. Everyone else got there babys. I guess Im a little jeolous and feel shafted. I hope I dont go back with a bad attitude. I guess that will be up to me. I have also been home with my daughter who is 3 1/2 and I am scared to leave her. Im afraid that something will happen to her if she is not right by my side. Am I crazy for feeling like this? She started preschool a few weeks ago and I sit in the parking lot for 2 1/2hrs because I'm afraid to leave in case something would happen to her. Im so overprotective anymore since we lost Wyatt. I guess because I was so shocked that we lost him so late in the pregnancy and he was so healthy and then because of the knot in his umbilical cord he wasnt there one day ,so I guess I feel that I need to protect my little girl because I just never know what could happen. I just cant believe how this loss has completely turned my life upside down and left me in a complete whirl wind that I cant figure out.
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Work is not easy. I\'ve been back for 2 weeks now and had to go back 6 weeks after I had Morgan. What I was told by the support group it to have plan. Know what you\'re going to say to stupid people, to people that say sorry. They also said to visit work ahead of time (I didn\'t) so that you can sort of get through some of the hugs and crying before the first day. I wasn\'t ready to go back but sort of had to. It\'s a big step and it\'s been very emotionally draining as well. I understand the feeling of failure as I\'m sure we all do but this was not your fault, you love your baby with all your heart. I have tried to share Morgan with everyone so that they understand a little bit better what I\'m going through. Some days I don\'t want to talk, some days I do. It\'s important to find someone that will be a good support to you too, someone you can cry to, vent to, be angry with, or someone who will just listen. I too just sent my son to preschool... it\'s awful feeling like you need to be there all the time to protect. The preschool he is at has web cam\'s but I can\'t see them at work so I have to have my SIL look and make sure he\'s okay for me.
Good luck and know that we\'re all here for you.
Thank you
I completely understand about worrying that you are going to loose your daughter too. I have a 2 year old and after I lost Jolie, I thought something might happen to Julia too. Sorry to are going through all this. Sending peace and hugs.
Thank you for your kind words
You are not crazy, you are grieving. And yes your world has been turned upside down and it is so unfair. It is the worst thing that can happen to a mother. Be gentle with yourself and know you are not alone. Unfortunately there are many mommies on this site who are where you are or have been there. It is a scary place to be,but you are not alone. I will add you to my prayers and I will be thinking of you and your son Wyatt. I cried when I read your story, I do cry a lot now and each time i read of a new mommy on DS I cry again. Im glad you are here. Welcome and know there is a lot of support here and love. I send you many prayers and love and hugs and I hope you feel comfort and peace when you enter back to work.I know it is scary and difficult. I will be thinking of you. Hugs,Kate